In the beginning of all of this, I never wanted a S. It was either the M or a D. No ifs, ands, or buts. Period.
In the beginning, H wanted a S. He really wanted time apart but not a D.
Now that it has happened, I feel it was the right choice. Tonight, H said, "I feel like this (the S) is a BIG mistake. I wish I could just come home. Everything will be better.".......(sigh).......ugh.
I'm feeling smothered because H is constantly calling me whether it's on the house phone or on my cell. If I don't answer the house phone, he calls my cell IMMEDIATELY. Then when I don't answer my cell, he calls the house again right away!
So to ease his anxiety, I answer or call back. H wants to know every little detail of what I've been doing, if "anyone's" at the house (what the ???), why didn't I answer the phone(s), and what are my plans for the rest of the day and/or tomorrow.
H has been here EVERYDAY since he "left" -- I don't even feel like he's actually left! He will stick around for a few hours then leave when he's ready to "work" (play poker). It's as if he still lives here, but he's spending the night at a friend's.....every night.
H wants the constant reassurance that I'm here and nowhere else. He wants a hug and a kiss EVERYTIME he's here, and he wants more than just a few of them. I also am asked to keep the phone right next to me during the night.....every night.
I don't know, but I thought a S meant that you don't come over and hang around and call all day, everyday. You don't ask if you're still loved ALL THE TIME. You don't do all this during a S -- at least not when you're only 3 or 4 days into one!
I WANT SPACE, and I thought that's what H wanted, too, but he is acting otherwise.
How do I tell him this??? How do I tell him without pushing him away too much??? Is that even possible???
If it continues this way, I don't see how anything will get any better. I don't see how H can truly realize what's at stake here.
