Trying to find MY way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Hey there, everyone . I truly appreciate all the visits and support from you all. Now I just need the lock monster to visit my old thread .

D -- Thanks for the thumbs up on the way I handled things the other day . I worried then about what was right or wrong to do, but now I believe that I handled it right.

...I will say that I think this separation has been a long time coming.

I've thought this, too. It's not what I hoped for, but I had a feeling for awhile now that this probably needed to happen.

I remember a few posts to me when I was still over in "Infidelity" about how if and when H left, it didn't mean it was the end of the world and the fear of H leaving was far worse than the actual act. Needless to say, they were right. I finally let go of that fear and just let it happen, and it REALLY was easier than I thought it would be.

You're right, D. Whichever way my sitch goes, I WILL get through it just as all others do . And yes, I agree -- now it's time to make the best of MY life !

Thanks again, D! You know you rock !

Slowly -- First, I'd like to thank you for linking this thread to the end of my old one. That was very considerate of you, and I appreciate it greatly .

Second, I'm sorry to hear about your cramps, too. Awful, aren't they?

Lastly, thanks for your thoughts and advice about H's affection. I will try to make plans to be elsewhere when he comes over to see the boys. Maybe I'll just go and enjoy some therapeutic shopping for a couple of hours. Ooooh -- or maybe I'll make an appt at my favorite day spa here ! YES!!! That is what I'll do! I haven't gone in over a year, and I've only gone twice in the year before that. Hmmm.....I think I'm way overdue .

You're right -- there ARE other options for me !

cally -- Thanks for dropping in again . LOL!!! You sounded just like my sisters did yesterday!

I agree that I DO need to distance myself. I need to detach again to bring about changes in myself as well as in H, but I don't think I want to cut off the affection. I want H to continue feeling comfortable with it, and the way that I'm giving him that comfort is this -- I'm trying to look at this like being a very close and dear friend. When your dearest friend needs a very much needed hug, don't you give it to him/her? And in your hug, aren't you saying, "I care about you, I'm here for you, and you have my support."? That's the feeling and message I want to continue giving H in my hug when he initiates them.

The kisses -- Well they're not passionate or anything like that. Umm...it's hard to really describe them, but I guess I could say that they are nice little pecks that say, "Love ya." Now, I CAN tell that H wants them to be more than that. I can tell he wants a really intimate smooch , but I'm not for that. At least not right now. He will have to settle for the nice "friendly" little pecks from me for now. If he can't and says so, well....then he's only going to push ME away.

Scottisheart -- Good to hear from you !

I know what's at stake here, so yes, it's time for H to find out. It's time for H to know and realize it.

But more importantly, IT'S JV'S TIME!

I'm not saying H is getting shut out completely because I would still very much like for this M to survive. I'm just saying that I finally realize that it is time for me to focus on me and me alone. I'm trying not to worry about H all the time anymore.

It's not going to be easy, but I can learn.

Ok now. I've got boys to tend to , so I'll be back later to post about yesterday. I did tell my sisters about everything, and once again, H tried to get me to tell him to come home. H also wrote me a letter -- he only tends to do that when he wants to write down his TRUE feelings. I think in our 12 years together, H wrote me a total of 4 letters including this one.

Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."