JV...

I applaud you for making the decision to go to your sister's tomorrow...
One of the best things for you to do right now is to surround yourself with people who love and affirm you.
I do believe that when you have healed a bit from this pain, that you will survive and thrive in life as you will gain confidence and feel much better about yourself.
All you can do is keep becoming a better person, JV regardless of what your H does...

I think that you are beginning to see that the only thing you control is YOU and becoming the "happy JV" again.
But, in order to get to that point, you need to focus on how you can make your life as fulfilling as possible.
In improving your self-esteem and outlook on life, you will learn to not rely on your marriage to be the sole source of your happiness.
Although it may not look like it now, you WILL come out of all of this a better person.

I can see how tightly my identity was tied to my H and having built my life around him, a part of me still feels terrified to be alone. In reality, being alone simply means that I will fend for myself, do the things I want to do, and surround myself with the things I want in my life... It is not necessarily a bad thing!
Actually, it is quite possible that my desire to want my H back was not ALL coming from love, but from a fear of being alone.
During my seperation, I realized that I can not change another person. This was it... This was who my H was...
I had to ask myself: "Do I deserve this?"
""Do I want this?"... "Do I honestly want to be with a man who is not interested in working on our marriage?"
I think if I had to do things over again, I would have listened to those instincts telling me that there was something wrong. I now realize that I WAS married and in love with a person who was incapable of returning the level of love and affection I would like to be happy.
Deep in my heart, I know that someday I will look back at this time as a tremendous learning experience.

JV... NOW is the PERFECT time to pamper yourself!
To FOCUS ON YOU! To focus on YOUR hobbies, exercise, eat healthy, read, sleep when your body feels tired, be kind to yourself, nurture your spiritual side, develop and discover ways to find inner peace without your H right now.
BE SELFISH! Let it ALL be about JV!!!
Remind yourself often what a wonderful person you are! Do as your post reads: "I Must Do For Me!!"
We care about your happiness, JV... -KIM