H got here just after 11am this morning. He was (and still is) very "down in the dumps". I was washing the dishes when he arrived so S5 opened the door for him (the boys think he was just visiting (mf) this morning). We said hello to each other then H came up and gave me a hug from behind. A VERY TIGHT hug.
He told me again that he wanted to call me all night. He also asked me why I didn't call him, and I told him I did but didn't want to. I didn't know what else to say.
H sat on the counter while I was finishing up with the dishes and asked if I could follow him into town because he wanted to put the Jag up for sale. I asked him why he wanted to do that, and he said because he really didn't need to have it. He would just use our other vehicle (we have 3). I told him ok and to please just give me a few more minutes to wipe up the kitchen.
He continued to sit there and tell me about how hard this is for him. I told him I understand, that I'm going through this with him also. H said he wants to be home so much, but he feels like he shouldn't.
He asked me if I talked to the kids about anything, and I told him I didn't since he told me he wanted to be the one to talk to them about it. I asked H if he was going to talk to them while they were gone. He asked if I thought he should, and I said, "Yes, I think you should. They were already asking me where you were this morning. I just told them you got up early and went to (mf)'s for awhile." H started crying some again.
I told H that I was most likely going to tell my family tomorrow and I wasn't really looking forward to it, but it's time. H said, "Well just don't tell them." I said, "They're going to ask me where you are like they always do. What am I supposed to say? That you're working on the 4th of July?!.....I'm sorry, but I can't make excuses anymore." I also told H that I thought he should tell his family and soon. I wouldn't want his grandparents to run into my parents (who know already) and have them find out like that. It's better if they hear it from H. H didn't say anything, but I know he's probably afraid to tell his grandparents because his grandpa had an A about 40 years ago, and his grandma still refers to the OW as the wh*re. 40 years later and she is still angry about it. Poor grandpa .
Ok, this post is starting to get too long as usual!
The advice I need is about tomorrow and what to do for the 4th. I told H that the baby and I were going to my sister's house. I said, "I didn't know what your plans were for tomorrow. Did you want to have S9 and S5 for the day?" H said, "Well I was actually wanting for all of us to be together tomorrow." I told H that I already told my mom I would go, and he said, "Well.....please? Can we do something instead? I really don't want to be without you guys tomorrow. All of you. Let's go to the beach and just hang out. I really want to do that. I want us to do that. I'll hold the baby all day. I'll change him and feed him and everything else. Please?"
I told H that I thought it would be too hot for the baby to be out there all day -- it's supposed to be in the 90s -- but I told him I would think about it.
He's begged and pleaded with me several times to go with him to the beach tomorrow, and I've asked him to please just let me think about it while they're gone swimming. He finally said ok.
I'm really torn here. I'd like to go to my sister's, but I've also been wanting to go to the beach for awhile now -- with H because we have always had fun together going there. The boys enjoy spending time with their cousins, but they also LOVE the beach. I'd like to be with my relatives, but I'd also like to be with H and the boys.
Advice please???? Thank you.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
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