H got home about 8:30, was more pleasant than he is most tuesdays. He changed, came downstairs and said he was going for a walk. I commented it was a nice evening for one, and he asked "would you like to come"...I told him I'd love to, and dropped what I was doing, and we walked for an hour. and talked. and topic of ow came up....at H's leading, not mine. and he was back to being focused on all the things that were not "right" with them. Even after we got home, he talked and talked and talked. at one point, he stood up, said he was going to go down and do some crunches, then said "no, I guess I won't" and sat back down, and kept on talking. said he thinks ow is really crashing, and he doesnt care, he can't take anymore of her, that he's letting go of all of it. said the older nurse who carpools with her came back to his office weirdly several times yesterday, like she was checking on him or something....
As we were talking at the table, he actually quoted his horoscope from the paper yesterday, which is unusual for him to even pay attention to: it was"You'll make a choice today, and in so doing reject everything that is not that choice. Such a sacrifice is necessary tfro you to get out of a quagmire and re-establish your life's direction". he commented that he didn't know that choice had been made yesterday, but that it sure hit home with him that he needed to let the "other" go to move on with what he really wants in life.
Interestingly, in church Saturday the priest talked about just that very thing, AND framed the subject in the context of someone he had been working with who had "just come out on the other side of his mid-life crisis" and the life lessons this guy had learned through his experience...which included that his top priorities in life were to be faithful to his wife (!!), the need for a career change, and to do what he could to be a person his children could continue to love and respect. it was amazing, I wondered if the priest had seen us come in and pulled that homily out of his hat...probably not, but it is the one I talked to...anyway, S12 commented later that he'd seen his Dad's head snap up when the priest started talking. Maybe God was providing the right lesson at the right time.
At one point he mentioned a CE workshop he's thinking about attending, and said "it's close to your birthday and at "our" hotel" ( a place where we used to stay a lot years ago)...I told him I'd go in a minute and love it...havent heard more about it, so we'll see if he gets himself registered. It would be wonderful!!!!!!!!
When we went to bed, h pulled me toward him and held me, it was so nice and so warm and tender. he held me for a long time, just stroking my arms and talking... then he initiated ml, 2nd time in 2 days, and he had a good time...no problems, and I have no doubt he liked it every bit as much as I did. He made a naughty comment..."I always wanted someone who liked to ---k". I made lewd comments back, working at shedding my repressed attitudes, I guess. but it was fun. and naughty and wild.
Now here's the odd thing: although I think ow is really wild sexually, and very experienced...yeah, I've got to hear a few things....she doesnt LIKE it, if that makes sense.
afterwards, h held me again. and talked as we drifted off to sleep. said that he thinks the sex is better than it has ever been, ever, in all the years we've been together. So, that is a huge 180!!!!! and we discussed that we talk much better than we used to, and spend more time together, and enjoy it more. and then we drifted off to sleep.
this morning H came through the bathroom when I was in the shower, and commented that when S goes to spend the night with a friend, we need to go on a date !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to this really fun little hole-in-the-wall pizza place we used to go to. I could hardle believe I was hearing this...Of course I told him I would love that!
Later in the kitchen, he pulled me close and held me and gave me several wonderful warm kisses. Usually he is in such a rush in the mornings he's a real grump. AND THEN he said that we needed to start going on some dates and doing some fun things every week or so, and that he was starting to feel that he wanted to do that was ready to and looking forward to it......MORE ANSWERS TO MY PRAYERS AND WILDEST HOPES AND DREAMS. another lesson to self though: This was something I couldnt push him into, and I still have to let him go slow...it has been many many years that I've longed for this. I told him I couldnt wait, that I was so excited, that I feel like we are going to be able to build the kind of M that most people only dream of having....and he agreed. I also mentioned that I've come to believe that neither of us ever wanted anything less, or did anything intentionally to hurt/cause it, but that we just got so wrapped up in kids and bills and chores and work that we lost sight of how important we are to each other. He agreed.
H put on his wedding ring to go to work this morning, in front of me and happily, and I never said a word about it (I don't anymore, havent for a long time anyway). That sure meant a lot.
I got an email from him just a minute ago that said he couldnt talk long because the receptionist is out today, but he wanted to wish me a good day and say "I sure love you".
I am so excited. So many things I never even dared to really wish for seem about to happen!
and I never said a word about it (I don't anymore, havent for a long time anyway). That sure meant a lot.