1 more quick thought then I've GOTTA get back to work, you mentioned "not pursuing"...this is important to a point, but in my sitch I never stopped expressing love and admiration and appreciation for H, because a big part of our problem is that over the years and parenthood, we had drifted apart, and H really believed I didnt care. There were times when my expressions of affection would make him furious, and then I would drop it and back way off for several weeks (now I know it's because ow was using the exact same words, and he was mad that i hadnt been more vocal before he got involved in the a)then I would start back up with teeny expressions of "thanks" "you look nice", etc, to begin meeting those needs in small slow ways (very important to start out small and slow so it's perceived as genuine) I never stopped ml either, because that was an issue previously in our R, and I figured I needed any and every weapon in my arsenal I could get, it was a way to connect, and I had fun at it. I think it helped my sitch a lot, If I had stopped, I really think he'd have probably left. Other people on the bb feel exactly the opposite. I never felt demeaned by it, I guess because H always was loving and respectful and...fun.
I DID stop all crying, begging, pleading (well almost all, tried to!) and tried to stop all mention of ow....
