I did have about 3 more emails from H this afternoon, he sounds really grumpy, complaining about "snots" here at work....my intuition tells me ow is being her charming self again/still. H was talking about that he may just have to look at transferring to another agency here in town, although he just met with his supervisor who said there was a possibility of Tuesday hours at the out of town office in "the near future" and he would stay for that. Oh, I wish that would come through. I can't help being afraid ow will try to file some kind of harrassement complaint against him. maybe not, but I just dont' put anything past that loony-tunes b---h. H said last night he wouldnt be surprised if she killed herself, and that he didnt care if she did. Thats pretty vile for H. Of course and hour later he got kind of sad all over again. sigh.....
I still hold close to my heart her anger that "your wife pulled the ultimate dirty trick" by not kicking him out. That was obviously her plan, she did every darn thing she could think of to make me miserable enough to do that. He told me last night she gave him her house key the night he was there and I called her and told her off when I got confirmation of the A, said "you just come on back here if you need to"...Imagine her disappointment when he wasnt back that night, or that weekend, or that year, or the next year, or......
Okay- she is a complete nut job. Deb, just ignore her. SHe's not worth it.
Your mention of the "deer in the headlights" thing is so spot on. Now I get it. In June 2003 when I suspect my H started up his a. he had that "look' on his face of sheer terror, fear, confusion , etc. I don't know what. But I will never forget it and I wondered what terrible thing was happening to him.
Thanks for clearing that up. It just clicked when you said that.
As far as weight loss...I loved Body For Life, I still follow some of it. But really, just eat less junk food, eat healthier, keep a food diary (I need to do that), and do more exercise - walk and strength training. The old "eat less and move more" does work. I just ordered one exercise ball for sitting on while I work some of the time (or watching TV), and I plan to get another for exercise to help with the core part.
Hi Pam and Hope and dfb...there are so many issues involved in all this, arent there. Hope, I found it interesting, your H and mine started their A's about the same time...mine started in May of '03, I'm sure.
The weight loss REALLY needs to happen...I'm hoping that in the next 3 months I can see some significant progress. I'm sick of being fat, plain and simple. Of course the fact that I tried on some pants over lunch and had to look in the dressing room mirror again doesnt help at all. more patience here, I guess.
I'm having a surprisingly tough day today. I've been out of the office and not had much in the way of email from H, and last night was not good for us....
he came home in a bad mood, and we actually somehow got into an argument. I hate that. I don't even know how we got onto the topic, but somehow it came out that about a year ago, he told 3 guys here at work who live in the town where ow does that if they didnt stay out of his business, he would beat the crap out of them!
I let h believe that I was getting info from somewhere....I never said them, that is his assumption....when I was finding him parked at her place, etc.... He said "it had to be them because they were playing both sides (meaning ow) and it stopped immediately when I confronted them" (bad timing on my part, I guess)...
Now the part that got me mad was hsaid 2 of those guys said that I had asked them to get involved. I have never said a word to any of them, I wouldnt say a word, they are not friends, I don't like them, not the kind of people I would ever confide in about anything, let alone anything as difficult as this...
I took offense and insisted all night that I have never said a word to them about it. Which is the absolute truth. hkept saying "who would have anything to gain from that besides you?" and I looked him in the eye and said "I don't know, who would?????" and left it at that.
Of course someone would, ow, but he doesnt seem to see that. maybe he will. Anyway, we went to bed mad. We never do that.
This morning he told me first thing "I'm sorry about last night", I told him I was to, that I hate that kind of thing, but that I NEVER said a word to those guys...then he said that was nothing compared to the arguements he had with ow, that would have just been a "discussion", but it would have gone on for weeks.
H put his wedding ring on before he left for work...I told him I loved him and want us to be together and be great, and he said "you're stuck with me"....
and then, here's a nice side note that really adds to my day, and makes it tougher. ow is parked right outside my office window again today. right where I can't even do my work without seeing her ugly vehicle and thinking of all the times h got in that car and went places with her.
She has to be doing this on purpose. She evidently told him when he said something several weeks ago that she could park any place she wants to...
This is an aggressive hostile act designed to provoke me. I'm not sure what she wants to provoke me into, thats what I can't figure out. But I'm certain she does. It's really frustrating that it's so hard for me to just ignore. but it is.
I'm guessing not saying a word about her vehicle being parked here to him is the way to go... Why is it so hard?????
Just my 2 cents here, but I think it is hard because you hate the b&tch and you really want to kick her a$$! Ok, now that you have that out--I think you may also want your H to defend you and take your side in this, so you'd like to tell him and see him get all pissy at her again. But I think you need to leave it alone. No reaction is the best reaction sometimes. Don't give her what she wants. I think she is trying to get a reaction out of you and if she does she will keep picking at you. If she doesn't she is bound to get bored with it and move on.
You are better than her, Deb--remember that! And you are "stuck" with him now
I've not had time to post, but thought I'd update quickly, I find it helps me to track what's going in in our sitch.
bleh, today ow is back in my usual parking spot, however, I guess maybe the laugh is on her, because she got my spot because she was here before me. she was here before me because I was 5 minutes late getting to work. I was 5 minutes late getting to work because H and I were talking, and he intiated ml...so take that, ow :smirk
last night H stopped by my office for a minute before leaving work, he was in a rush to get home, which kinda got to me because that's how he used to be when he'd hurry home and call ow. I told him I had been missing him during the day, thinking of him a lot, and he said that was good, he could guarantee there was no one else "pining" for him. I wasnt sure what to think of that, because the day before, he'd told me that he was sure "she'll always carry a torch for me" (yeah, right, h, you and about a million other suckers). My guess is it probably means they had another nasty conversation. He also made the comment that "I'm surprised I couldnt see what a snake she was, I should have been able to recognize a snake. It's just like that song, I should have known".
That song, ok, I should explain. probably no one else on this bb will recognize this or remember it, but way back when we were "kids" (in college probably) there was this weird song, I think called "The Snake", it was based on an old Indian proverb that I've heard. anyway, the song goes something like the proverb: a woman comes upon a beautiful snake, I think in the legend it's an asp or adder, and the snake asks her to take him in and she refused, saying he's a snake and his bite is poisonus and deadly. the snake is very convincing and loving and she is overwhelmed with his beauty and takes him in (the words in the chorus of the song are "take me in, pretty woman, take me in, hissed the Snake". Well of course the snake bites her...the words are "you bit me! cried the woman, and now I'm going to die!" and the snakes hisses "oh shut up stupid woman, you knew I was a snake when you took me in"...
I'm curious, anybody else around here old enough to remember that? Anyway, I always thought that stupid song had a life lesson in it for me, and it has stuck in my mind to this day, obviously there was a message there for H as well, based on his comments. Interestingly, I knew exactly what he was referring to.
This morning as I was getting dressed, H came in a streched out on the bed, with his arms under his head and his legs crossed, and just started talking. he said she was such a devil in an angels mask, that he still can't believe it, that it is scary how he couldnt see it. That she seemed so sweet and loving and underneath it all the real her is the scariest, nastiest person he has ever known (and he's known some)...that our "argument" Tuesday night would have become a raging battle that lasted for weeks with her. That he couldnt stand the constant turmoil and emotional upheaval.
I told him our "argument" (really a heated discussion, we werent arguing) mad me sad, that I had thought all that day how stupid it was and that our time together is too precious to spend on something stupid like that....he commented that there would have been no sadness with her. That he just had to get away from the emotional turmoil.
I told him I was glad he was "home", that as time goes on I'm more and more glad. That this is his "safe haven", that I want home to be a place of peace and relaxation and fun. He said "thank you so much", and somewhere in there is when things got "carried away"...
H is so tired, he is exhausted. he thinks he's got somekind of a bug/cold, which could be, there is something going around...but I think he is wiped out beyond that. interesting.
Oh yeah, when his alarm went off this morning, H actually laid in bed for a while, I think he hit the snooze button 2X. H NEVER does that, I've always assumed because he's off to call ow at the appointed hour.
H was talking alot between when he plopped down on the bed and our "quickie" and when I had to rush off for work, about the ow's turmoil and angst. He says ALL the therapists hate her (this is not good) and all the business office staff (maybe even worse) and that he believes she will either quit or get fired still, he thinks that's her work history, although she is very evasive about it.
I keep praying that H's work will again be rewarding to him (which he has hated and complained bitterly about for years) and that ow will move on. Interestingly, last night H was talking about some of his interesting clients, and commented "that's why I really like my work" , so perhaps that prayer will be and is being answered. it all takes time.
Wednesday, H told me that on Tuesday he had overheard 3 other clinicians actually plotting on how they were going to turn in complaints on her...he said he had emailed her to give her a heads up about it, and she had said "so you'll back me up if I take this to my supervisor", and he told her no, you're on your own, I'm just filling you in"????
I got curious and had to find the words to "The Snake"...there really is a lesson there, sorry to say:
The Snake Johnny Rivers On her way to work one morning Down a path alongside the lake A tender-hearted woman Saw a poor half-frozen snake His pretty coloured skin had been All frosted with the dew "Oh faith" she cried. "I'll take you in And I'll take care of you."
"Take me in, tender woman. Take me in, for Heaven's sake. Take me in, tender woman," Sighed the snake
Now she wrapped him up all cosy In a comforter of silk And then laid him by the fireside With some honey and some milk She hurried home from work that night As soon as she arrived She found that pretty snake she'd Taken in had been revived
"Take me in, tender woman. Take me in, for Heaven's sake. Take me in, tender woman." Sighed the snake
She clutched him to her bosom "You're so beautiful," she cried "But if I hadn't brought you in By now you might have died." Well she stroked his pretty skin again And then kissed and held him tight But, instead of saying "Thanks" The snake gave her a vicious bite
"Take me in, tender woman. Take me in, for Heaven's sake. Take me in, tender woman." Sighed the snake
"I saved you," cried that woman "And you've bitten me, but why? You know your bite is poisonous And now I'm gonna die!" "Hah, shut up, silly woman," Said that reptile, with a grin "You knew darned well I was a snake, Before you took me in."
"Aw, take me in, tender woman. Take me in, for Heaven's sake. Take me in, tender woman." Sighed the snake Sighed the snake Sighed the snake "Aw, you better take me in, tender woman," Sighed the snake
, so perhaps that prayer will be and is being answered. it all takes time. 