h also commented that he thought she was getting really embarrassed as the A drug on into more than 2 years, with so many people here at work knowing about it. That at first, ow was like "heh heh heh, look at me, I got him !" (which was always the impression I got from the ugly hide)....and then after their shock wore off, other people were like "oh, yeah? really? you fool" and that really ate at her....
H mentioned that "other women seem to really pick up on what she's like and they really don't like her..especially the cheerleader types (whatever the heck that's supposed to mean????) but I told him "of course they do and of course they hate her"....another time when I wanted to thump his head and say "duh! get a clue!"....
This one I loved: H said one time she through a huge fit, ranting and raving that
"your wife pulled the ultimate dirty trick"...by not throwing him out of the house. I guess since thats what she did, she thought that's what everyone would do.
I could also make a little card for my dashboard that has "ultimate dirty trick" written inside a heart and park next to her.....
I haven't heard from H this afternoon, and i find myself starting to get anxious still. I dont know that it's so much that he's in contact with her, but perhaps that she's making trouble of some sort.
I am beginning to let myself believe we have/will make it. I never thought I would get to that point. knock on wood...
Last night was low key, but friendly. H continues to talk about ow, but in a very neutral way now most of the time. He commented within the last week that he's able to talk about it more now because "it's done", that before it wasnt so he couldnt. I had noticed before that he always stopped talking when they got back together. that was one tip-off that never failed.
When he got home, he mentioned that he noticed she was up to her parking lot tricks again...I told him yes, I'd been irritated but decided it wasnt worth the energy...I did tell him my ideas for dashboard decorations and parking next to her, and he laughed. I told him about putting my stuffed devil on the dash before, and he laughed about that.
H said he ran into her as she was coming into the office, and saw her in the hall as he and co-worker were leaving for out of town, and that ow took off down the hall....that before he got ready to leave, he was in his office and she walked in, shut the door behind her, said "I am profoundly sorry" and then walked out. H said he didnt answer or even look at her, that he has told her he doesnt want to see her or talk to her and wants her to stay away from him, and he wasnt going to justify it with a response. H said her apology for for trying to run him down with her vehicle.
Then he said how awful she looks, he cant believe how unattractive she is, and asked if I thought she looked awful...said maybe he was just now seeing things as they are (!!!???) I told him that I don't look real closely, but that I havent noticed a big change in her appearance, that I never did think she was very attractive. h said "well, she has a nice smile sometimes"...whatever.
H said that he has decided he is not going to go out of his way to avoid her, not going to let her make him feel like he has to hide when he's here in this office. I think that's good, evidently we've each allowed the b---h to make us feel crappy.
later in the evening, H was talking again, this time about what a hard childhood the poor thing had. Evidently she claims that her family lived in a tent for a month when her father was transferred to an airforce base that was here in this town when she was in grade school. makes no sense to me, I always thought they provided better housing than tents for military families, and this was an airforce base, so why would army personnel be transferred here? Made no sense to me, but H is a military history buff, so I expect he would know.....
Then the devil got the best of me, and I did some bad DBing....I couldnt resist, I said "so where did they keep the horse that screwed up her leg, in the tent with them?"
at that H looked kinda sad, which I thought was weird, don't know what brought that on...but he said no, she & her X had the horse when they were married, "I've seen pictures of it"....yeah, right, whatever...but I didnt say anything. H then commented kind of sadly, "I guess sometimes you just want people to have a better life"...so he is still prone to her "victim power", but hopefully less so. I don't believe a word out of the woman's mouth. I believe she is a manipulative predator that knows how to lure her prey, and she will use any bait she needs to do it. H seems to vacillate between seeing this and not seeing it still.
H also said that he told her last week in that fateful phone call that he no longer recognizes her, that he cant believe the monster he sees/that she's become. H really does wonder about MPD I believe, and said that she commented that "I'm a Gemini (astro. sign), I'm 2 different people"...said he knows now to run for the hills if anyone ever says they are a Gemini again....
this morning H put his wedding ring on...this is big, and a first. For him to wear it here at work around ow!!!!! I really don't believe he is taking it off. I commented how nice it was to see him put it on, and he said "I'm working real hard to send a certain message here"...I told him I was all for that, but I hoped there was positive motivation behind him wearing it also. He said there was, but that he hadnt taken it off for negative reasons (this time, I added, and he agreed), that he has to take it off for weights and stuff and after a while it tears his finger up taking it on and off, because it's tight.
Deb, sounds like things are going really well for you two. I admire your confidence in yourself. To be able to listen to him talk about her and feel good about you is great! Sounds like he's just got to talk her out of himself now. Go through all the stuff one more time. It's got to be hard for you, but isn't that one of the things we've always wanted--for our Hs to be able to talk to us about stuff instead of going somewhere else with it?
Keep up the good work. I believe that things are better with H and I but it is still alot of work to keep things going and not get back into that same old M we were in or back to the same old person I was. But sometimes I just sit for a minute and realize that I am much happier now and I'm crazy about that man, faults and all!
Hi Mollie, it's good to "talk" to you... you know, sometimes it's hard to hear him talk about ow, other times it's very reassuring for some strange reason. I'm not sure why. I keep remembering what I read in "not just friends" when it said to get past an A, part of what needs to be done is to put "windows into the A and walls around the M"...I keep thinking this is exactly what H is doing, I think maybe he just has this need to talk about it...he did comment the other day that it helps.
I am just looking forward to the time when he can stop feeling sorry for her... ...In my opinion, which he agrees with most of the time, I think, she knew exactly what she was doing, and if she didnt want to have to face the potential consequences, she shouldnt have done the deed, so she really doesnt have much room to whine.
Quote: it is still alot of work to keep things going and not get back into that same old M we were in or back to the same old person I was. But sometimes I just sit for a minute and realize that I am much happier now and I'm crazy about that man, faults and all!
Amen!!! my thoughts exactly!!! Mollie, what is your thread???? I think I knew and then lost it...
I've only had one email from H today, but I wasnt here to read it for 2 hours, and so didnt respond for a long time...and I know he has a kind of weird computer set up here, and he has to check to see if he has email...it doesnt tell him he has it. so.............I try to not be anxious and thinking of him & ow in same building. surely he wouldnt regress that much from 7:30 this morning?????
On a brighter note, I went to weight watchers. i lost 5 lbs since last week....I'm sure a good part of it is related to my period, but I didnt really even try too awfully hard, so maybe there is hope!!!!
I'm kind of excited, losing anything is motivating!
It really teaches you how to eat, as opposed to just taking off the pounds. Many years ago, I lost over 50 lbs on WW and have kept it off all these years even through 3 pregnancies.
Stick with it--you have everything to gain. Or lose. Well, you know what I mean.
Hi Honeypot...it's always good to hear from you...
that is good to know about ww....I lost about 15 lbs right out of college with it, when a friend lost 120, but that was years ago. the neat thing, now as then, is it's really pretty simple and easy to follow. I tried the curves diet plan (that's where I work out) and it is so complicated and confusing to me, I didnt have time to figure it out, let alone do it. the same with "the Zone"...I thought about trying south beach and body for life, then decided to give what worked before a shot. So, we shall see!
oh. Pam. I will miss you. thank you so much for all your support and encouragement. I hope all is well for you and your kids. let me know if you would want my email address...I'd love to hear from you every now and then. I sure wish there was a way to get together in person with all the neat friends I've found here on the board.
Don't know what I'd have done with out you, Friend! give the "kids" a hug for me, will ya?
...In my opinion, which he agrees with most of the time, I think, she knew exactly what she was doing, and if she didnt want to have to face the potential consequences, she shouldnt have done the deed, so she really doesnt have much room to whine.
