Weekend update: weird, wild, roller coaster of the weekend. incredible. the good news is I think we are doing ok, in fact I believe H had some kind of huge breakthrough, and perhaps has finally resolved some of this in his mind.

I'm not sure what all took place in his phone convo. w/ow Thursday night, but obviously it stirred up all kinds of "stuff"...

Friday when I got home, we had lunch, then took a little nap to catch up from our exhaustion of the night before. H told me then that he was "sure sorry for last night and this morning"....we talked more about midlife stuff....he began to seem much more cheerful...later in the afternoon I went to the store, and as I was leaving he yelled "ILY" down the stairs...made me smile.

Saturday was pretty quiet, we had many discussions off and on about ow, their r, I learned more stuff that pretty much blew me away. ow is truly a total fruitcake. I'll post more about that. H mowed a lot on Saturday, I worked on cleaning the porch and weeding the garden. We talked about midlife issues more and more....H was very interested, said he'd been thinking about it, and it made a lot of sense. I told him about Helen Fischers' research on the brain in "infatuation", how her imaging showed the response was the same as some one using cocaine, and it lasts about 2 years...he sounded fascinated, and said "maybe that's it"...because it had seemed so "addictive"....said ow used to talk about getting her "fix" of him....

H's interest fascinated me, because I had mentioned this some before, and he would just blow up, and hear none of it.

H told me that his female co-worker in the out-of-town office knows about the A, because she has seen emails and heard them fighting on the phone...H said she told him "ow is a loser and you need to lose her"....and that I was the one he needed to be with, anyone can see that I am good for him and the other isn't, and that I'm so nice (???). H said that she has come into his office at lunch before and said he IS going walking with her, she's not going to let him sit by the phone and wait to get his butt chewed. Guess I better put that gal on my payroll! H also said the former secretary knew, and was jealous and pouty, kind of like "it should have been me"....(secretary had an A with a coworker, who did move out of town)and that ow was always jealous of the secretary.

H worked really hard mowing the yard Saturday, we went to church, watched a silly movie w/S12...just kind of vegged out.

Sunday things got really strange....we talked more about mid-life issues. I told h he could borrow my book...he thanked me and said he would like to, that it might help him understand better. this is DIFFERENT...he never wanted to hear a word about anything before...
H fed the animals in the am, came back to bed afterwards...we both slept more, we were so exhuasted. About 9 AM he said he was going for a walk and would be back around noon. Said he needed to think things through, that he thought he really needed to work on forgiving his parents.... I just went about my business, was puttering in the kitchen when he walked in the door about 11:30...came up to me, hugged and held me and gave me a passionate kiss. I'd gotten my Conway MLC book, and showed it to him, saying "here's the book for you"; H said "thanks, I don't think I need it, I think I resolved my MLC" ??????????????????? I just said "OK"...

later he grilled steaks, and he was talking about ow...he looked at me with the most hurt and broken look on his face, and said "from a legal standpoint, I've been raped, kidnapped and assualted"...I'm sure reading this sounds like a pathetic ploy for sympathy on his part, but the look on his face was one of a broken person...someone who truly has been traumatized. I didnt find out about the rape, but I did find out about the other, and will post later.

H talked and talked and talked. said that he never had anyone he could discuss this with before, and now he can "kinda" talk about it with me and the other coworker....

at one point with tears running down his face he said how he is shocked and dismayed with himself, that he can't believe he was stupid (his words) enough to get so sucked in to something like that...that he knows better, it's just not him, how he let me down and let the kids down and let himself down....

Said that he was caught off guard by the whole thing, just "knocked off my feet" because he didnt expect it, "all I was looking for was a friend", it really messed him up...talked about going to the lake to go camping, (us!), having friends over for a barbeque, looking forward to vacation, etc.

Said when we went on vacation last fall, they'd gotten back together about 2 weeks before that, and he'd lied to her and said he was taking his Dad to Houston for cancer treatment because she always got so mad when he was gone.

said when he called her Thursday, he was wanting to put a "better end" on things because he felt so bad, but that it didnt work, she was still hateful and "chewed him up"...talked about how she tore him down and made him hate himself.

I told him how "bad" he had looked, how he looked gray and sick sometimes, or else purplish and sick, and he said he had actually vomited from the stress at times. I know he complained constantly about being sick. I told him he had the "deer in the headlights" look when it first started, and he said he probably did, he was so shocked and startled by it.

H said at one point that he'd been "the boss", and he'd enjoyed that, as he never really got to do that much...said knowingly to me "we're pretty much equals"...ummmm, well yeah.........

later he commented about how controlling ow was, how it was all a power play on her part, how she made such overwhelming and exhuasting demands, how she wanted "what she wants when she wants it" and there is no room for discussion or comprimise, just hell to pay if she doesnt get it. That he came to see that it would be real hell for anyone who went to live at her house...her demands would be insatiable, and she would "pitch you out the first time you crossed her"...I pointed out the contradiction with what he'd said earlier about being the boss, and he said, "well yeah, sometimes she would be real deferential about things, whatever I said, and that was great, but it wasnt very often, and all the rest of the time it was her way or else.

H said he had expected me to become the one making demands and setting deadlines, but instead I became the peaceful haven!!!!! so, yay! yes! I was right all along, and the plan worked!!!!!!

H had talked about being the boss as he was getting up from our nap, and I got naughty, told him "well, you are too the boss here"....he asked what I meant and I said "because if I was, I would tell you to take your clothes off and get back in this bed"....he asked "why, what do you want in a naughty way...I told him he needed to come find out, and he did it ...we ML and he had no performance problems, and I swear he had as good a time as I did.

h said he'd been trying hard to find a way out since christmas...

We talked and talked and talked. In the evening, I worked in the garden till almost dark, then went in...he was watching tv, and I sat in the chair beside his...he reached over and took my hand, and we actually sat holding hands for quite a while. I went to bed about 1/2 hour after he did, and as I was getting in bed, he said in his little sad voice "I need you to hold me really bad"...and of course I did.

This morning we talked more...rather he talked and I listened. He said he didnt want to be one of her "shoebox memorials", that he wanted all his stuff gone, and he thought he had made her mad enough that she would get rid of it...said that he didnt want her focusing on and remembering the good parts, and that was what she'd been doing (????? ) but he thought he'd taken care of that. He commented that this whole mess had sure made him appreciate me, and the peaceful life we have at home.

He put on his wedding ring. I was speechless, didnt say a word and tried to "act as if"...a few minutes later, he hugged me, then wiggled his finger at me, and said "see, I'm wearing my ring"...I said yes, I saw you put it on, and you don't know how much that means to me...he said "yes, I do, that's why I did it"...and told me how much he loves me.

I've only gotten one email today, after I sent him a 'how are you" one, but in it he said he'd enjoyed our time together and how nice it was to have our weekends back, and that he thought we would come to enjoy it more and more, and thanks for loving him, signed it "your D"...and so here I am, pondering pondering pondering.

I cant help but think this is a breakthrough. Oh yeah, also, he said the phone bill is down to 38.00 from over 90...so, that's progress!

been around awhile!