quick update for the weekend. H and I are pooped. we rushed and rushed this weekend, but I think a lot of GOOD things happened.
Friday after lunch we had to pick H's vehicle up from the shop, then we stopped and got gas and I got an RX...H went right home, I had intended to but decided to see if I could find a pair of khaki capris. bad choice for that day. I spent several hours. I tortured myself looking in the mirrors in the dressing rooms. got so disgusted I didnt buy a thing. I was really discouraged. I got home, and H came into the kitchen and said "what happened to you?"...he'd taken a nap and i guess was thinking I'd be coming to join him. I told him I should have...then had a real emotional minute. I put my head on his shoulder and started crying, said I was such a fat slob I couldnt stand myself and I didnt know how he could and I wouldnt blame him if he left me. He actually held me and comforted me, and said "but I love you, and it's not all about that"...and other nice things. really helped me feel better...and he did it automatically, like he used to in the good old days. It was just a blue day for me, my period started, and looking in the dressing room mirrors was not a good thing to do that day. But I'm amazed that H was so loving and understanding. I thanked him a lot for that.... Saturday we went to pick up S12 from D's house...it wound up being an awful 12 hour trip...because of detours, etc., we'd expected 8 hours. BUT, here's the great thing....H went with me (remember over spring break I went alone because H wouldnt go? and I was so ticked off because he'd gone w/ow to take her D on visitation over xmas?) well, H went, without me saying one word or even asking him to...I decided weeks ago to just let it ride and not even asked and "go with the flow" and if I needed to do it by myself, oh well. but h went. and was pleasant, although I thought he seemed terribly sad, almost looking like he was going to cry a good part of the time. Other than the detours, we had a pleasant trip, listend to music and talked about the artists and talked about work and talked about "stuff"....not really R talk, just "stuff", plans mostly, things we'd like to do, life in general, etc.. We were driving along and H happened to lift his left hand, and I gasped...he was wearing his wedding ring! I remember saying "you're even wearing your ring!" (I don't remember what we were talking about, but I remember saying those words, so maybe it was something about "us") and he said "yes, it'll be hard to get for weights and everything, but I thought the kids would be happy to see it" ....even though that wasnt the best reply he could have given me, I got all teary eyed. Saturday evening he went for a walk, and i noticed he had taken his ring off, but didnt say anything.
Sunday, we met my Sis & her H at the lake before going to my brothers. H was pleasant and seemed to enjoy himself. I noticed on the way there that he'd put his ring back on. We stayed at my brothers Sun. night; sometime in the night H reached for me, and wow! I don't know what makes the difference, having to be quiet, maybe? but h initiated ml and it was great, he had NO problems...at all! and was tender and loving and romantic....one for the record books. I wish we could have more "interludes" like that. I've been praying for passion...maybe this is the beginning of something else good.
Yesterday we drove almost clear across the state from my B's to his sisters. as we were driving I made the comment that I thought I was pretty low in the rankings of a$$ chewings, because I was thinking of his S's and other folks...honestly his sisters are so inconsiderate of their H's, it shocks me. It boarders on cruel, they are demanding and insulting and rude and inconsiderate. I'm shocked at how they treat their H's. Anyway, H actually agreed, and said "that's why I love you"...a big change from the days when my faults were the only thing he saw. When we were driving home, we were so tired, it was hard to stay awake. somehow my hand brushed his on the arm rest and he took my hand. I commented that I like holding his hand, and he said "you do?" (silly guy, I've told him this before!), and I talked about all the reasons I like it. So, we held hands almost all of the 2 hour drive home. H would move his hand for a second to do something and then put it right back on mine.
This morning H was pretty cheerful, rushed getting ready for work, but cheerful. it's a casual day today, so H was wearing one of his "special" t-shirts. he came into the bathroom and said "this isnt too wrinkled is it?" I told him no, but I'd be glad to spray him with wrinkle spray if he wanted (he seems to like that offer, I guess security or something???) so I did and as I was doing it I asked if this was the shirt that had gotten painted in (ow had) and the flood gates opened again, it's interesting, it's like if I make any comment, he starts talking, almost like he wants/waits for a chance to...he said yes it was, that it really ticked him off because she'd wanted it so badly, then she painted in it and her D slept in it for months but HE GOT IT BACK and he got the paint out of it! she still calls it "her shirt" and wanted it back, but it's an f-you kind of thing and now he's worn it to work several times. That he knew that he needed to have something of value to use for leverage with her if he was going to let her have anything important (???????? WTF?????) and he'd had an emerald ring of hers, but she'd demanded it back "a long time ago, last fall" so he'd been able to get his shirt back...that she has a collection of shirts from all of her guys....how weird, how high-schoolish. I told H I thought that was weird, and he agreed. THEN he said " she bought me a bunch of black-diamond stuff"...I said "she did?" and he reached in the closet and pulled out a nylon rock climbing shell....said she'd found their website and got it for him for christmas....huh. I wondered what she'd gotten him. I pretended to pout, said "but I got you cool stuff you wanted for christmas" and he chuckled and said "Yes you did, but I just want you to know the competition is stiff!"...I know that sounds awful, but I actually took it as a good sign, because H was joking and teasing. I think it's a good sign that we are moving towards being able to do that. My retort was "I'm sure the fact that the competition is stiff is not a problem for you at all!" ...and we just laughed.
I did comment that I was planning on figuring out how not to be so boringly predictable. H said "but you don't know how good that is"...and then started talking about how you never knew when some innocent comment was going to cause a tirade that lasted for weeks.....and he talked about that a bit.
then he mentioned that she would not be at work today, that she's taking off this week. I asked if he'd discussed the taking tuesdays off thing with her, and he said not discussed, just in mail, that he'd emailed her last week that he was taking Tuesday off and that it would sure be helpful if they could do that and not have to see each other....h said she'd said "that's a good idea"...I'm hoping he's being honest, but I don't think he'd be as open if he wasnt being honest, he hasnt been in the past. I said that it makes me nervous to hear that he has any contact at all, that it makes me afraid he'll go back. H said "I don't think I'll go back"; I told him "that's not what I want to hear; what I want to hear is that you KNOW you won't go back", and he said "I know I won't go back"...not flippantly, but matter-of -factly.
H talked about all the client complaints about her, that she doesnt do what she says she will, and that the next time he hears complaints, he's going to turn her in to her supervisor. H said she's still on corrective action, and he thinks her supervisor hates her and would get rid of her if she knew he wasnt protecting her any more?????????hmmmmmm, don't i wish. H also commented that he thinks she'll be moving on soon. please lord!
H wore his wedding ring the entire time since he put it on Sunday morning, and even wore it to work this morning. I havent seen him today, but I felt somehow like he wasnt going to be taking it off. I hope.
oh yeah, I did ask him Saturday night if he was wearing it because he wanted to, not just to make the kids happy, and he said yes, he was....I know it's a tiny thing, but I believe it's actually a big thing disguised as a tiny thing, if you know what I mean.
Other comments were made that i think are significant, but I cant recall them at the moment. will have to jot them down later, I guess.
oops, one thing I thought of, though: H now refers to ow most of the time as "whats her name"....In fact he seldom refers to her by name now...I actually had to ask him once who he meant (shouldnt have done that)...I believe there must be some significance that she's been demoted to "whats her name"...I certainly hope I'm right.
