Hi Hope, thanks for stopping in. How are you doing? I did read your thread earlier in the week, and intended to post to you....but didnt get it done, I am so far behind with work and all sorts of stuff.
AS I recall, your H has some RL things, right? I have to say, I can sure identify with how wild it makes a person. I have agonized over everything from black undies (h's workshop underwear) to music CD's to sunglasses that I'm sure were ow gifts. absolutely drove me up the wall. Plus, in my snooping expedition 6 weeks ago, I found some shorts and pants stashed in the downstairs closet that I know had to come from ow....I buy most of H's clothes, I didnt buy those, and they are NOT what he'd buy for himself. oh, yeah, there's a "chore jacket" also....so yeah I've peeled myself off the ceiling with all that crapola. it's awful.
I guess the only way I ever got through was to remind myself over and over and over and over that I can only control what I myself do, which includes how I respond, heave a sigh, and drop the rope. There were times when I'd find this stuff or just know something, and I would literally wander around the house while H was gone (doing paperwork@#%$&*!!!@@%*&) muttering to my self outloud "drop the rope the rope the rope, drop the rope"....even kind of made up a little song to it. Anyone who heard me would have been convinced I was nuts. Maybe I was...probably I was!
The other thing that got me through was turning the focus to me...I can hear the folks here who have pushed and pushed me for years to do just that choking on their coffee, but it's true and I did. for me, I did focus more on what I needed to do for myself. a huge balancing act challenge...but it helped. I sure spent too much money doing it though.
Quote: Don't know if I would be able to Db if H is having an ongoing A. I really admire your strength.
yeah, it stinks, big time, and it's hard as h--l. I came to realize though that I had two choices, to either give it all I had as best I could for as long as I could, or not--call it quits. I believed calling it quits would hurt as bad as or maybe even worse than giving it my best shot (still do in my sitch) and that the potential benefits of "making it" far outweighed those to come from starting over. So I trudged blindly on...and on and on and on in circles it seemed. hung on by my finger nails until they bled. shed lakes of tears. and finally I think can see the light shining outside the tunnel. At this point it looks pretty bright. knock on wood
so, If you feel in your heart this is a good person for you that you truly love and want to be with, then I'd say "go for it"....If my sitch can turn around, all kinds of miracles are possible. It is one long, hellishly hard road though.
Having said that, the thought occurs to me that it's a good thing I didnt know then that it would take 2 1/2 years for him to "see the light" re/ow. I don't think I could have dealt with it.
