H was "pooped" when I got home last night, watching some tv. He asked me to come watch it with him. This is something pretty new, and evidently important to H. I never would have guessed this is something important to him, because it isnt to me, in fact I really don't care much for it. now, I make a point of happily accepting his invitations to join him (I want those invites to increase to bigger and better things) and if he doesnt invite and even if I'm doing something else, I make a point of going in to spend a little time with him, and I always point it out that I'm doing it (in an indirect way!!!!) by asking something like "mind if I hang out in here with you for a while" or some such. I also make a point of telling him how much I enjoy spending time with him (note: I didnt say watching tv; I say spending time with him)....
This seems really strange to me, because as I say it is not my thing, but for some reason it's important to H, and means a lot to him...I guess it's speaking his LL to do it (is this QT, Recreational companionship? both?) anyway, I think it helps. We were both out like lights when we turned in.
This morning, unexpectedly, H got "frisky" before i got in the shower getting ready for work....initiated ML, and had none of the problems he's been having lately. I hope maybe that means some of the emotional upheaval is dissipating. I've also made a mental note that he seems to have a lot less problems 1st thing/early in the morning....I wonder if it's due to less tiredness, higher levels of....what, testosterone...I don't know, but it sure seems like something to keep in mind.
H did seem somewhat cranky this morning. We have a LOT of driving to do this weekend, kind of overshadows any enjoyment of the holiday....I know that is part of the problem.
I did mention before I left that he seemed kind of irritable, and he said "I am and I'm sorry"....I told him it was ok, but I am always overly sensitive to concerns that somehow I may have done something to cause it. H said "you havent, and you don't need to worry about that" (nice to hear! especially after being blamed for everything for several years)....then he said "I just can't believe that I'm 50 years old and still have to be ordered around by my mother. and I resent the hell out of it."
That statement says an awfully lot. I'm not sure what to do about it. At the time, I just commented that I know it's frustrating, it's frustrating to me as well.
What do I do with this???? I sure stay to try backed out/off of that stuff. But now I understand what he meant the time about a year ago when H screamed at me in a rage of fury "I WANT TO BE THE BOSS!". and I'm convinced this is some of the stuff at the root of his mlc and our problems.
I guess one huge lesson for me to take with me is....I DON'T WANT TO/CAN'T come across as anything like his abrasive and domineering parents. Honestly, my MIL is the model for Marie on "Everybody loves Raymond"
How do other people deal with this????? after all these years, I just pretty much choose what to pay attention to with all their carrying on and ignore the rest (most of it!) but somehow it is terribly difficult for H to do that.
Maybe that was a part of ow's appeal, in fact I'm sure it was: the ultimate act of rebellion against his parents, and the illusion of an avenue of escape.
I guess somehow I've managed to disconnect myself from those authority figures/issues in his mind, or he wouldnt be turning back to me as he is.
