For continuity sake, I thought I'd copy my last post from my last thread...from last night:
uh oh, I read through one of my posts from yesterday, I see I got censored. sorry about that, I try be somewhat "civil"...can I use the excuse that I cut and pasted H's email and didnt think of it???? or that i was so happy to hear him thinking of ow in those terms that it didnt register, maybe???? ah, well
not really much to report, as I said earlier last night we walked and H talked and I mostly listened. I have this sense of "making up for lost time" as far as so many things we've neglected physically around the house...H mentions those as well. the important lost time to be made up is with the kids, though, S12 comes home on Saturday, and H has talked about how he's looking forward to doing things with him...that he told S that on the phone...YESSSSSSS!!!! the poor child has needed and missed his dad soooo much while he's been off in ow land.
An odd thing is that I think h and I are both emotionally exhausted. seems kind of strange at first glance, but maybe it's not...more "come from behind" stuff, I guess.
As far as H, I don't know how to describe it, but he is "different"....everything about him is different...except he's the same person????? he has a softer expression and stance, he has an entirely different tone of voice, he seems more....at peace. He is now, just yesterday and today, starting to say he is "doing better" and "feeling better"....
his emails today were more business like, but in one he did say that he loved me and he would be eternally grateful for the peacefulness I bring into his life. that meant a lot.
We still have so far to go, we need to get to "going out" to do things, and H doesnt seem to be quite there yet, but he seems to be "progressing". we need to physically reorganize our "space" (which I've been working on by myself) and get our finances back to a decent level.
I am still working on my personal goals, things that are about me...I joined weight watchers tuesday am, and need to really focus on that, I still am going to work out regularly. Weight watchers was ironic, though. Yesterday I think I ate enough for 3 days. you'd think I'd be blissfully at peace after H's responses.but I was an emotional wreck here at work, and ate everything I could get my hands on. I guess there's a lesson in that, huh?
Plus I have to stay on track with the changes I've made in how I relate to H....he was here for a minute before he left work, and said he was going to hurry home to walk before it rains. I started to fuss at him, saying "be careful, you'd better..." I was going to say "take a rain slicker" but then I caught myself and said "well, I'm not your mother...." and he shook his finger at me lovingly and said "no you're not, but I'll be careful"...and we just chuckled. But I must stay on top of this. Believe me, the guy does NOT need 2 mothers. the one he has is about equal to a half-dozen "normal" mothers (and that's at almost 80 with five kids and I dont even know how many grand kids.
I did hug him goodbye, and get a little mushy, I told him ILY and asked if he would "always be my treasure" and he said "yes I will, I promise" and gave me a hug and kiss.
