This is going to be a Dogma size update. No contact last night by me even though I was chomping at the bit to do so. For some reason at 7 this morning she swings by. No explanation why. She takes the dog on a quick walk and then looks at some stuff on the internet while I'm getting dressed. I dressed up today (I do a couple times a week anyway) and she commented about it. We had a short talk on my way out the door and then see ya later. I was mainly getting ready so didn't chat much.
My only thought was whether she was checking to see if I had a girl over?? Why swing over before I leave for work rather than after? I was thinking as I drove to work that she would never have just swung by her 1st ex-H's place unannounced and without reason. She essentially cut the ties with him and moved on. Oh well, maybe I'm doing something right.
Have a nice Friday.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I have a question. If someone really cared at all about you don't you think they would care about the things that are most important to you? Express interest in these important things? Would you really think of someone as a friend or seriously consider someone for a R when they didn't even acknowledge the things important to you?
The reason I ask is because my kids are at the state swim meet this weekend. It's fortunately being held here so I could go. Anyway, my X called yesterday concerned about some tickets she bought that will be shipped to the house. She didn't ask about my kids even though I told her this was the state meet weekend. When she stopped by to go to the movie she didn't ask again....I just volunteered the info to her son in her hearing. Today was the last day of the meet. They didn't go watch them swim (I would have watched her kids...it just seems weird that this ex-stepmom has absolutely no interest in their lives). She didn't ask about them today. Well I went to watch a friend play volleyball today. The first thing she asked was how my kids did in swimming (and she has never even met them). All my XW ever wants to do is talk about herself and her kids and her hypochondriacal symptoms and about strangers on her favorite web site "my stupid mouth".
I'm sorry. I don't really think I should let this woman back into my life. If she suddenly showed interest in me and then my kids I'd see it as just a ploy. All her past interactions with them just seems fake now. I didn't ask her to love them and treat them like she does her own kids (although she expected that of me). But I would have hoped that she would have formed some sort of bond with them. One interesting note....when I've asked before if she wanted to come (before we were divorced) she would say.."I'll see if the kids want to". She's used that many times...and not just with me....if her kids don't want to do something then they just don't do it. She's went from mother to slave. Oh well...her life. I don't have to deal with it anymore. At least I try to reach out to the kids that shared my life for 4 years.
I don't think "she's an alien" or "she's got MLC" or "she's not herself" is sufficient. It's just as likely that this is truly who she is....I'm seeing the real XW. Her previous behavior towards my kids was a facade. The real woman is completely self-centered. That doesn't mean I intend to be. It just means I'm letting go and I'm not even sure yet whether I should take her back if she came crawling back.
You might be wondering about anything about the movie. We watched it together...it was pleasant...I kept my hands off her...and when it was over I said..."It was a cute movie. See ya later." and left. She acted surprised I didn't even ask what they were doing or anything else. I haven't talked to her since and I won't either. I'm taking a break from her. I will NOT initiate contact!!!!!
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Yeah, painful realizations. My heart still says I love her, but my head has decided to render up some reasons why I shouldn't. I guess I'm just asking myself if it really is in my and my kids' best interest to pursue a R with my XW. Obviously I think things would have to be different than they are now. I'll repeat my question....
Quote: If someone really cared at all about you don't you think they would care about the things that are most important to you? Express interest in these important things? Would you really think of someone as a friend or seriously consider someone for a R when they didn't even acknowledge the things important to you?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I can relate to you on the blending of two families. Both myself and XH have a D from previous marriages. And this has/does cause problems because he and I see child raising very differently. Lately it’s been very hard because he always refers to “his” D and “my” D, instead of our Ds (we’ve been together for five years now!). I wonder if blended families ever do become just families or is there always a line drawn somewhere?
Anyway, I’m rambling. I can relate to so much in that post about your XW. About how she doesn’t seem to have any interest in your kids. How she lets hers decide what happens. I have no advice today, but I just wanted to say (in a very long, round about way!) that I understand how you feel.
I certainly hear you regarding the self-absorption. MY W was out all week with D3 and she did not call once. I had to call her even to keep up with what was going on. For part of that time I was sick as a dog, flat on my back. MY W knew it. Never did call to ask how I was. And when I called after I recovered a little she did not even ask me how I was! Clearly, even friends do better dont they? My friend's XH (in major MLC) sent her D papers while her father was in the hospital following a stroke. He came crawling back to her three months after the D. Yeah, one wonders why we want to put up with such people. Even strangers are more courteous and caring than them..... Are we all just plain crazy? Who knows?
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
I guess I'm just asking myself if it really is in my and my kids' best interest to pursue a R with my XW. Obviously I think things would have to be different than they are now. I'll repeat my question....