You had it exactly right. Confusion, my middle name. The only thing is that it isn't causing me any stress or worry. It's just that I think about OW and I wonder if my motives are very noble. Then I think about XW and I wonder as you said whether by letting go I'll lose her.
Well anyway, so much for darkness. I ended up going to bingo with my ex's parents (her dad kept winning) and they invited her along. She looked cute. I was not a real good DBer because I was aloof without being friendly enough. I actually didn't want her to show up. That's a first. During bingo she indicated she had a job interview (didn't actually tell me) and I at least asked about the job some. She talked about having us go to the waterpark with them for her son's b-day, but I've already got plans for the entire weekend. I have next week off, but made no effort to suggest including her in any of our plans. I did say..."maybe some other time" to the waterpark invite. After bingo I said "see ya later" and she said "you aren't coming to eat with us?" and I just said no without any further clarification. I might have been just flirting with being rude. Unfortunately my feeling is that she thinks it's because she asked me to back off and now I'm mad at her. Truth is, I left there, bought me some shirts, bought a present for her son, and then dropped in to OW's work (she works til 9) to say 'Hi". That went well and we set up at least eating during her lunch/supper break tomorrow. And no, I don't feel guilty.
Guys, my XW has to work through her stuff. I'm working on letting go. If she decides she wants a R with me someday I might still be available to her or then again I might not be.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
