This is the thread...........

[Just_Me]

Nothing to post. I struggled mightily with my demons last night. She didn't return a call I made earlier in the day and it just bugged me. And yes, I know that is not a good thing. I resolved that problem with some phone calls.

The real question is, why do you continue to interact and pursue as you do? And can you honestly live with this relationship until something "happens" to alter it?

This was directed to both of us but I want to address from my perspective. My asnswer: I don't know if I can live with it. I'm also not sure if doing more than tweaking the current R is wise. LRT/Dark is definitely not something I want to try. Long periods of time without interaction will just make it more difficult to be comfortable when we are together. I agree that "she won't let it happen", but I wonder if it will happen despite herself. That if I'm patient that over time she'll want to see more and more of me. That her confusion will get worse. That she become more unsure that we aren't right for each other.

1) Even as short a time as last week she still had that "cotton candy on the brain" that she had whenever she indicated she was confused about us. If I wasn't making any gains at all she wouldn't have any confusion. So I wonder if despite her head telling her not to let it happen whether by continuing on if I can overcome the obstacles in the way.

2) Put yourself in her shoes or think about a time you had a friend of the opposite sex. This is a woman that says she only wants to be friends. But she is completely aware of my feelings for her. She knows I love her and would take her back. Why would she want to encourage this by continuing to either invite or accept invitations to spend time together? Just using me? I just don't know if her words and her actions are in synch. Should I just continue to ignore the words?

So after considering this....and I've said this before...I think the weakest link in my chain is that I'm not getting a life as well as I should. I have too much vested interest in this R. I'm still available whenever she asks. I need to be the one that doesn't return the calls everytime or that has other plans. But I actually do need to have plans. Most of the time my plans have been housework, mowing the lawn, and other uninteresting things. I need to get out and do things...golfing, whatever by myself if I can't find anyone to go with me. I still need to get back to my book. I'm stuck. And I need to be PATIENT. I keep setting us back by getting my expectations way to high and then reacting when they don't happen. Exactly as Bruce has said. If I can avoid the slips I might see more forward progress.

I'm rambling. It's the confusion talking. Thanks for listening