This is the thread...........

[Just_Me]

no guy there is fit to shine your shoes in terms of competition for her.

That's no lie.

Well it's 12:45. Back early, but I didn't want to overstay my welcome.

So how did it go? The jury is still out on that. It wasn't quite my scene so I can't say I was extremely confident. I did take the advice of moving away and wandering back.

I suppose details are in order. Well, she wasn't at the bar she said she would be. I must admit that there were a lot of cute girls there. Most likely too young, but it seemed I got some reasonably good looks.

So anyway, there was really only one other place I would imagine she'd be tonight so I went over there. I never realized how small she is until I saw her in that sea of people (she's 5'2 and about 100 lbs). She looked as usual very cute. Her back was to me and she was headbanging (she loves heavy metal). I grabbed her from behind and pulled her to me like some drunken guy would do. She turned and saw it was me and seemed happy to see me. She gave me a very very prolonged hug. I was actually the one to step out of it. She was drunk. Looking very cute. I think there was a window of opportunity when she wanted to kiss me, but then it passed.

So negatives first: At one point she actually said there was a cute girl she wanted me to meet. I said "my ex-wife is trying to set me up? Hmmmm" I also indicated that I had seen some cute girls but I saw the single girl I wanted to hit on (indicating her). She said "I'm not available". Ouch!
She tried several handshakes on me....one was a mock introduction.

Positives: Definitely when I first greeted her. That seemed like the real deal. Long hug with her head on my chest.

I pulled her out to dance and she didn't leave. Hard to dance to heavy metal. I wish we could have done the jitterbug. Oh well.

After dancing I put my arms around her from behind (yeah...I know...down that road again) She didn't act like I violated her space or that she wanted me not to. We stayed that way for a bit and talked and she turned to look with her face literally inches from mine. Struggled not to kiss her.

I thought I better cut my losses or wins and as an entertainer would say "leave her wanting more". Before I left I did make a tennis date with her for tomorrow if she wasn't too hung over. She kidded how she would kick my a$$. I'm not any good so maybe that's possible. I also told her to call me if she needed a ride home and I'd come get her.

Why do I love this woman that left me and continues to reject me so much? It makes these interactions so tough. Anyway, it always leaves me wishing I had been fully committed to the marriage for the whole time. I guess you have to lose something to realize how important it is to you.

On a quick sidenote to all of you....these scars from this stay with you unless we heal them. With any new relationship, maybe even more so with our ex-spouses, there will be that protective mechanism telling us to protect some of our heart. Don't give it all to her/him....keep a little so that the hurt is less and walking away is easier. I don't know if this works out....but I think that next time around I'm going to love like I can't get hurt. Maybe DBing has made it possible. I know that my ex can never hurt me like she did when the bomb was dropped.

But all in all a pretty good night. I got to see her in her silly drunken, cute, playful mood and be a part of it. Know what? She loves me. She's just got the will power to convince herself that it won't work with me..."been there done that". And Bruce, I don't care if you tell me I don't know what she's thinking. I'm still telling myself that she loves me. I've got her initial reaction to seeing me in mind.