Well those of you that have responded to my question let me go one step further because my H is still not satified.
(Guess that answers would our spouses agree question lol)

Gonna have to take a more personal stance then general here.
Though this is not a burning issue with me it is with my H and though I feel there are many more important issues within our problems I am trying to better understand his point of view.

Okay
I am M. Have been in this R for 15 years. Not happy for atleast 8 very unhappy the last 4. H is very controlling and jealous. I become severly depressed suicidal dysfuntional on and on. I am barely functioning in life.
(brief not wanting to bore ya). H seems unaware of any of this he knows there are problems but as a whole he is content with his life.
I in desperation to help reconnect with myself old self self I wanted to be again. Reach backwards contact a old boyfriend. He knew me at a time I liked myself was a stronger me and could remind me of who that person was. Add to that I felt totally alone and isolated from everyone and everything and though we had made a lousy couple we always had the ability to talk and understand each other. Not only him but his whole family took a interest in me again and my emotional well being. I could talk and they would listen I could cry and they cared. Not saying that they understood all I was going through but they at least put the effort into trying. His mom really put herself out there and told me personal things about herself she generally did not share with others. They all became my life line. That established on to the rest.

My H was really unaware that I had rekindled this friendship with he ex boyfriend. And because of his jealousy and moral high roads I was not forth coming with the information. In truth at the time I was more consumed with hanging on then with my marriage and these people where interested more with helping me do so then with anything else.

At the same time that this was going on in my life My H was speaking to not one but two different woman that I am now aware of. He himself was seeking support from them about his feelings and our relationship. I really have no problem with this as I have said I feel everyone needs emotional support.

Here is where the real problems lies within this situation.
My friendship with the ex was via phone. We had one chance encounter at his mothers house on a visit I had made to Ohio to see my family. We both just happened to visit his moms at the same time. We had already been speaking on the phone he was aware of my sitch. While we were both there we spoke some about my sitch and also about his mom and his feelings about the disease she had recently been dignoised with. He got very emotional at one point in the conversation and I gave him a hug and a peck in a general way(no deep throating) Just a more its gonna be alright thing. My son who was with me over saw this and it upset him. Later I explained the situation why we were had been speaking in private and that the kiss was the same as if I had kissed him before when he was upset. I felt he understood this. And I really never thought about it again.
(No racy dreams as to ahhh that kiss)

So as all things come out at some time. My H learned I had been speaking to my ex boyfriend I learned he had been speaking to these woman and so forth. And after questioning my son he learned of THE KISS. And I become the whore the cheater the lier the untrustworthy one ect.I have had a A and he is the wronged one. Did I mention he did not tell me he was speaking to the OW I like him discovered this. Did I mention that the two woman he was speaking to lived in the same town as us and the ex I was speaking to lived 3 states away. He had access to see them every day I had access at most to see ex maybe 4 times a year in a good year. Did I mention that at no point prior to the explosion of my H temper had any of my ex's family or himself ever advised me to abandon my R. And that through my H'S own addmission one of the woman he was speaking to had stated intrest in a physical relationship.

Yes in a perfect or reasonably good marriage I could have came home from Ohio and said oh by the way I bumped into so and so and we talked for awhile ect... But okay we have established my M was not good and my H is extremely jealous.Not a option there.


So all said I have spent a year repenting for a crime I do not feel I commited and am totally cut off from my family. I can no longer visit Ohio because the KISS means I only went to Ohio to see the ex. And that is the only reason I would be going for future visits.(okay the two sisters the mom the grama they are not important to me? )

My every little action has become scrutinized and found wanting all revolves around this Kiss. ie... When in Ohio went to His moms house to visit his sister we watched a movie and talked for hours. Was not at my moms to recieve a important call from him that again is grounds for no trust to him. (Yes when you are not allowed to have friends and you actually do that is grounds for lack of trust).

But in truth I feel if you are overly jealous and controlling you are setting yourself up to be lied to. And make your spouse miserable. Your S will hide things from you for fear of repercussion. People are people and they need to have lifes and freinds and such to help enjoy life and if you stop them they will start to lie and hide things from you. A person can only allow another person to strip so much of there self away before they become miserable within themself.

I conceede that my actions may be percieved as a EA but not just with the ex but his whole family. But his actions with the other two woman would be percieved as the same a EA.
My H and myself do not see this in the same light. He feels since I had sex with these person years and years ago before our R coupled with the kiss I have had a affair. I am not trustworthy he is the wronged I need to repent for life. I should never be allowed any form of privacy of self ect... and no I may never be allowed to travel unchaperoned again.
I did and he did the exact same thing. Minus the Kiss.
had I have known that kiss was going determine my fate as a labled whore should have made it worth the lable well never mind that (joking lol).

Though I do feel sorry for the hurt he feels I inflicted. I dont see us as having done anything different in our actions. Please tell me if I am wronge in this thought in your opinion