Thanks so much guys. In my saner moments I know that "perceived sexyness" has little to do with it. My H and I have even discussed it before and he points out that I don't seem to love or desire him any less because he has put on weight (about 40lbs) since we married. Then I guess I am supposed to extrapolate to understand that my aging, recent pregnancy etc... doesn't matter to him.
I worry/obsess over my sexual attractiveness because my H is so difficult to read on this point. Also, for myself, I do care how I look and don't feel sexy if I don't look as good as I personally can. I do positive things like maintain a healthy weight, dress nicely, get good haircuts and put on makeup because I really don't want to be in the position where I actively do stuff to discourage what libidinous interest H has in me. The problem is that H's interest doesn't increase or decrease whatsoever in relationship to my appearance. Sadly, other men (strangers, work people) clearly react differently when I get a new outfit, haircut, etc... He was as (or more) interested when I was pregnant and postpartum working on losing the weight. I am trim and toned and still working on it but I am definately not playmate or movie star quality. Thus, the question about fantasy babes (as in, is that what it takes?). Yes, it was during a mental downward spiral and I will get over it.
Read a fiction book recently called "the Bride Stripped Bare" or something like that. It was a series of journal entries - excellent read and a little too realistic about the marital SL which isn't wonderful which leads her to an affair where she explores her sexuality. The whole thing had an air of reality that was pretty depressing because it was so true.
BTW - thanks to whoever pointed out that I have spoken to my H repeatedly about how important our SL is to me, why it is important, that I do need validation when I bring up the subject. Kinda thinking I'm going to need to learn to live without validation like GEL was saying. Like many of the spouses, H dreads anything that smacks of "the talk."
H didn't feel well when he got home yesterday. He went to bed right after dinner. Now, would be a horrible time to bring up anything further because as H puts it he "just needs a week where things go right." Any "complaints" won't play well. I did try and put a positive spin on things by sending H an e-card yesterday with a cartoon character giving a big kiss. I wrote that I was sending him a kiss, that I had missed kissing him in "interesting places" in the last couple of weeks and looked forward to the opportunity soon. How did he feel about it? I don't know. He doesn't usually say anything about cards - he has said in the past that he likes them, then he sometimes seems to not like them. I have surmised that he likes them with as little text as possible. If they have a dissertation about the R he doesnt' like them. If they say "I love you" he does.
