Karen
Hugs again to you. Yes, I know the doldrums. I think perhaps some of the root of this is the differences in how you view sex. You'd (like me) like it to soothe, especially after a rough time, and he has to already be in a relaxed state before he'd even consider it. There's got to be a middle ground. From what you've said, it sounds like he does enjoy it and get into it when he gets going, but without the relaxation and hammer on the head signals, he just doesn't get off the starting block. Anything you can do (I know, you are tired of doing it) to nudge him off the block without it feeling like you are dragging him kicking and screaming?