Yeah GGB, I have told him what the issue is (how I feel about our lack of SL and lack of his displays of desire) and he has even been able to agree that it must be difficult and painful for me. At those times it has been when he has been reaaaalllly keeping his distance. Then he gives some explanation - finances, exhaustion, grief for someone, busy blah...blah...blah In his mind, it is situational. At some point we return to what is "normal" for him and then he considers things fixed - I am "getting sex" (once/week or so but if you skip a week oh well), he is giving me pecks hello/goodbye, we are spending alone time together once in a while, talking and getting along and that is pretty much it. Wow. That list is not even close to my hopes and dreams. When things are great between us the sex might be twice one week, once the next and the occasional "I love you" email or flowers. I still feel shortchanged in the sex department when it is like this - if we had sex twice/week and some nice displays of desire between I could learn to live with it. I would still hope for three/four times per week but I could deal.
Last night we got home from his workout, me taking little kids swimming and he wanted to watch football. No problem. I enjoy football and usually watch with him but I am really exhausted from some work stuff so at 10pm I gave him a kiss goodnight and went to bed. He came in about midnight and cuddled up, rubbed my thigh a couple of times and went to sleep. Once again, I could have "had sex" if I wanted to. He is clearly getting horny. I know it. Does he know it? Where were some kisses on my neck, some touches on the unmentionables? Well - he has to figure this one out on his own. I would love to have sex with him if or when he truly wants me.
Maybe that doesn't sound fair but I'm not feeling fair right now. He needs to be fair to himself. Is he or is he not interested? Does he want me or not? He's never ever been rejected by me so when he works out what he really wants he can let me know. Like the age old question says, "Why would you want to have sex with someone who does not want to have sex with you?"
OTOH - I really do want my H. I still want my H in that teenager fluttery heart, shaking body kind of way. I love his smell, the sound of his voice, his chest hair, his hands on me. To me, he is delcious. Wish he felt the same about me.
