H and I had a long drawn out discussion last night. Hooo boy did he let me HAVE it. When we found out we were pregnant I asked him not to mention it to anyone in case we lost the baby. He wanted to tell people. Then we lost the baby and I have been clearly out of sorts and all (so has he) and suggested maybe we should say something to the kids so they wouldn't think it was them.
Well...he let me know that he needed support from people other than me the entire time and my asking him not to say anything really hurt him and is still hurting him. He's not sure he wants to bring it up now because he doesn't want to tell the kids that we disagreed on whom and when we should tell about the pregnancy. I told him that I was ok with bringing it up or not bringing it up, that I was sorry that my instinct to protect our loved ones caused him to feel unsupported. I incredibly underestimated how he felt about it.
It really has a great deal to do with our personal ways of handling grief which are VERY different. I'm pretty sure we are over it but it has been very taxing.
