If I said I have "told" H what would make the trip better for me it would probably be a lie. I have hinted. I have made comments about how it would help if he "spent more time" with me before and after. I have addressed the general feeling that this is the "most important" trip of the year which he started to deny then didn't... Honestly though I probably haven't really addressed the thing that really bothers me which is "When you are running headlong to bikini beach with your buddies I still need to know that you love and want ME not as a wife but as a woman." All the behaviors I mentioned just add up to that. My husband is physiologically unable to hear hints and gentle references. He needs direct conversation. I haven't done that.
Losing the pregnancy was very sad. The other one was so early it was just like a regular period. With this one I could clearly identify what doctors call "products of conception." I had this weird momentary thought of having a burial. Then it seemed maudlin. The best I can do is to take care of my body, exercise, eat right and try again. The doctor isn't worried - just old eggs probably. Prayers are MUCH appreciated.
