Looks like I am losing/have lost this one. Started spotting, hcg going down, progesterone way down - it is inevitable. H is sad. I am sad. We are loving each other. I guess this time just wasn't meant to be. It is such an early loss that I think the ob pretty much considers it a "non-event" as in, not indicative of problems. I plan to allow my body to miscarry naturally so sex will be out of the question for some period of time. However, I'm thinkin that it has been a while since H has gotten a nice bj and I'm thinkin that he would enjoy it. Last night he confessed to some confusion as to how to treat the whole sex issue and he sounded like he really was perplexed. IC is not really on the menu right now and it was a real gift to hear H sounds like he was missing it.
I am so sorry for your pain Karen. I can think of no words that can console you at this time. But I will keep you and your H in my thoughts and prayers.
Karen... I hope you get a chance to check in here because we, your invisible maritally challenged cyber friends, are all thinking of you and wish you and H comfort and healing. Huggggs to you xoxo, J
Hi all. I am pretty hormonal but I am ok. H has thrown himself into a home improvement project as distraction. He needs to do this and it is ok. In the meantime I want us to keep talking, communicating, and touching. I want to come out on the other side "stronger for the challenge" but not just saying that as some kind of lame saying but meaning it. I have three healthy biological children. I am a blessed woman. Maybe God has one or two more in store for us. Maybe he/she doesn't. Either way I need to love my kids, love my H and pray for peace.
The pregnancy hormones are finally crashing and the real mc is beginning. That is good because it should mean that further medical intervention won't be necessary. But by the time I stop bleeding and have the green light for sex H will be leaving on his week long boys weekend. I have been striving since the beginning of this R to come to terms with this trip but it just touches a very tender part of me.
The trip is something he has been doing for like 18 years or so. All his college guys and any sons 16 or older go. They get drunk, act silly, and play for a week at the beach. My H is not a womanizer nor untrustworthy in ANY way. I resent the hell out of this trip because they act like it is a religious experience. I FEEL threatened by it (for absolutely no reason). I had been doing really well about it this year and really been sympathetic about how important the whole "brotherhood" thing is to them. I made my own plans (like I try to do every year) and was moving forward. Now...after a few weeks with no sex due to the miscarriage it will be another week with none and my H traipsing up and down bikini beach in the meantime. D@mn it!
I e-mailed H about my feelings that I wanted to have some sensual contact even if we couldn't have sex but I stayed away from the subject of the trip (he HATES that I don't feel ok with it but he also knows that I would NEVER ask him not to go).
Any words of wisom? BTW -this trip always magically combines with bad timing in some way - last year I was newly postpartum and returning to work when the trip came up, the year before I was in my first trimester. This year I am recovering from a miscarriage.
I know I sound crazy. I gotta get some perspective on this.
