I woke up early this am and was in a twilight-zonish, half-asleep space and just had this feeling I wanted H. Since I was semi-conscious I " forgot" about all the things that would stop me, and I intiated. I guess H's defenses were down too because he just responded and it was such a natural, easy-going connection. It was so nice not to have to jump through all the mental hoops that go on when we are fully awake and back to our guarded selves.
Yesterday I was telling H that I feel at times I can't be more playful with him; that he somehow brings out my serious side. He told me I should try to get back to thinking of him as when we first met as friends---somehow this marriage stuff made us both too uncomfortable.
