Quote: Yet we all really do have a responsiblity towards each other, and to ourselves...it's hard to figure out the healhty balance in all this.
Not to beat the enneagram to death, but it IS very useful. Remember that when the 4 is stressed and moves toward the unhealthy direction, s/he moves to 2. The unhealthy 2 is fused, codependent, i.e., feeling reponsible (or at least overly responsible) for other people's feelings and happiness. The healthy direction for 4 is toward 1-- "doing the right thing whether you feel like it or not." The 4 usually has to feel "in the mood" to do the things that need doing. The 1 stoically goes ahead, sticks to her/his guns no matter what mood s/he finds him/herself in. I know we're not supposed to imitate the healthy type; it's supposed to come from within and from growth and all that, but when I get really stuck, I find that I at least feel better about myself if I go through some 1-ish motions, e.g., do the stuff I've been dreading and putting off, whether it's chores or less tangible things.
If he walks through the door and looks at you and feels bad because you feel bad, you have to let that be HIS problem. You are not responsible for that. You DO have enough on your own plate to eat without making sure he eats what's on his plate.
