Hmmm... how to say this tactfully... I don't know what a "typical" 4 is either, but JJ's H is not what I would consider a healthy 4. Within each of the enneagram types a person can fit along a spectrum from very healthy and functional down to self-destructive. His tendency to be whiny and mopey and to punish her by withdrawing are 4-ish, but at the unhealthy end of the spectrum. For example, the 1 at the healthy end of the spectrum is a beacon, non-judgmental but holding a form moral code, kind but firm, inspirational. Toward the other end, s/he becomes nit-picky, argumentative, blind to other people's POV, rigid and inflexible. The enneagram type has to do with your basic stance toward the world, which is part herditary and part learned (IMHO), but you can be either a saint or an a$$hole-- or anywhere in between-- within each type.
