D12 is home from camp...it was so exciting to see her bus pull in and that first hug was delicious! She really appreciates being home and it's just such a comforting feeling seeing her face again; this will last about a week before things turn back to " normal". It was a strange weekend for my H to do his Viagra experiment...we really had no couples time ( had a family dinner on Sat and a kids party on Sunday) and I myself was not in much of a sexual mood. But take the pill he did on Sat nite, and all I have to say is wowwwww! From my POV, there was no change in him physically, but mentally he was like another person...confident, in charge, and fun! Afterwards, my H commented that for him, the sensation wasn't as good because he felt more swollen/numb and disconnected from the feeling ( bummer). For me, the disconnect was good because he was focused on me, moving me in different positions, playing with me with his "toy" which he nicknamed "the club." Again, I didn't find anything physically different..."just" his attitude. I guess he really does spend a lot of time being self-focused and worrying about being hard and about his own sensations; this really was nice for a change of pace!
Anyway, he said he would do it again as a monthly treat. I gave him lottsa praise for coming up with a new idea,and just being more open and less defensive. Just the fact that we can talk about some of this stuff is amazing in and of itself.
Yesterday I was in full mom mode entertaining kids all day...I was upset with H because I was doing most of the work and he was sitting back and letting me knock myself out, which reminded me of when the kids were young. He is fine when I ask him to do something but he doesn't tune in to what I might need, and I find myself just doing stuff without him because it's easier for me. This is MY issue--- I need to communicate with him in a more direct manner; hit him over the head with my own club.
I ended up crashing early last nite; when he came to bed he wanted to talk and I made it clear I was SLEEPING! I had to just take care of myself. We both woke up at 4 am and I could feel I missed him and he missed me, and we came close together and ML quietly.
It's all the same stuff week after week, communicating, expressing needs, self-absorption vs. caring about the other's POV, etc. Just trying to move forward and not spiral downward, and we seemed to do that this weekend.
