ohh Honey believe me I do not worry about if my H gets hard without me. Remember with him it is so all about me. (Part of his denial issues). In my wondering I am usually just trying to look at all the little angles and different takes on a situation to better understand it. Alot of times I wonder things that do not relate to my sitch at all. When I wonder out loud on this BB it is either so others can show me angles I might be overlooking or to coyly show someone there is another way they could look at the sitch. My point in this one was to show IHJ instead of finding frustration in her having to arouse her H she could find satisfaction in knowing she is the cause of his arousal. This is that half full or half empty angle. And from her response I do believe she got the drift of what I was doing. I am working on that fine line of figuring out when a person needs the blunt here it is from my point of view wordage that gets spewed at times and knowing when a gentle nudge of insight will bring the point across just another thought to consider type thing is needed.
Oh and the trying to talk an LDH into doing it spontaneously "now" instead of the chosen night is no different than if your H tried grabbing you and playfully saying You can have it tonight or tonight and tomorrow night.
I myself stated though I do understand the schedule thing is good in someways if it did not take on the same air of scheduling a doctors appointment. If this is a down side of it. I know that I agreed to a min of 8 times a month with my H but if we sat down with a calender and said on this date this date and this date we are having sex I do feel I would be looking at that calender and saying oh [censored] tomorrow is the day a sorta dread that attitude would over take me just like I dread going to the doctors office because I hate sitting and waiting for a hour or so. Its not the doctor I hate seeing but give me enough time to think about sitting and waiting and what else I can be doing and I will find a reason to not want to go. And if I go I am not going to be excitted about it that is for sure. But that is just me and my make up I am very impulsive and I work of my impulses a large amount of the time.
Now the later part your question to me. If my H had just ended or recently ended one of his a@@hole rages. I would simply go tell him to F@CK himself. Flat out. End of story. Now if we are in a calm place. You want truth here it is. I would flash my t@ts or my a@@ and laugh and say I know you want it but you are gonna have to wait until tomorrow to get it bud.(if I did not want to have sex tonight). Or I would do the above and sit on his lap and tell him he can have it tonight but tomorrow night depended on how good he was tonight( if I myself wanted sex tonight leaving the door open for yes or no tomorrow night). See none of this is odd for behavior for me. When my H and I are walking through a store he sometimes will make funny eyes indicating interest in me. I think nothing to flash him my butt or lower belly and say ahhh I know you want it but you cant have it.I have also been known to do the same above when he finds something he wants that is just out of our budget and then say you can have that or this your choice buddy. I am very fun loving in nature and as stated before I am very comfortable with my sexuality and sensuality and I lack most inhibitions so I lack that fear of rejection aspect. But I have been rejected so do not think I do not understand where you guys are coming from. But I find a challenge in it instead of taking it personal. And I love a challenge. To me the getting to the I think on some nights my H would say, You're on!! and we'd have loads of fun with it. makes the challenge exciting. I truely believe alot of marriages suffer boredom which overflows and becomes issues of other sorts. I know I suffer boredom and when I get bored I become discontent.When I become discontent it is with everything not just one thing. So if I look at things as a challenge instead of a issue it helps take away from the boredom helps stifle the discontentment gives me something to rise up to and gives me a sense of selfworth. Backlash to this is once things stop being challenging I then again become bored and discontent and have to look for another challenge.
Hope you are all having a glorious day I myself am about to take a shower and go pick up S12 that I have not seen since Sunday.
