I do see your point that if my H were always "rarin' to go" I might feel that it has nothing to do with me; in fact, there were times in my marriage where I did feel put upon by my H's desire for sex ( so who is the hyprocrite)? I guess it's a case of wanting what you don't have or not wanting what you do have...I am trying to change this into making the best of what you've got.
As far as the spontaneity goes, you are right--- I have held off being more free because of concern about my H's reaction and not wanting to pressure him. However, I have gotten better in coming forward in recent days by relying on Hank ( that special figment of imagination originally created by JJ) who never is rejecting in any way. I have surprised myself with a few of my comments to H this week.
It really does help to have different perspectives so keep on postin'!
