Journey, Here is something that helped me. After reading the Gottman books, I realized that a positive word goes so much farther than I thought. They suggest saying 5 positive things for every negative thing.
I don't know if I have pulled that off, but what I've done is made sure that our topics of discussion have AS MUCH cheerleading as rehashing. These days with H's job woes, the cheerleading has hit an all time high and the complaints an all time low, but you get my drift.
Perhaps a way to rein in the desire to rehash is to ask yourself what positive words you have doled out to H that week. You mentioned that you see all the ways he is trying to be a better husband--do you tell him that regularly?
I guess I'm thinking that he might be more receptive to the rehashing if the compliments, praise, and goodwill were so profuse that this was a blip on the screen.
5 to 1. I thought that was pretty powerful. The title of the book was something like The secrets of successful marriages--I know I screwed that up, but you get my drift. The idea was that they took people and hooked them up to biofeedback monitors and then observed them as they spoke to each other. They recorded blood pressure, etc, and all the behavioral and speech patterns and what the differences and similarities were between the sexes. Totally fascinating stuff.
Anyway, 5 to 1. That stuck in my head, as I knew it was an area I was lacking. I am a naturally cheerful person and yet I rarely complimented him or praised him. Either it was neutral chit chat conversation or it was me telling him something negative. This was an eye opener for me.
Now that I am lightning quick to praise, I find that H takes my constructive criticism or resentment airing much better. Sometimes he even brings it up himself, which is really astounding.
Hang in there and I'm so happy that you will soon reunite with your baby! Have a good time and BE CAREFUL in the storm.
