wow, Lillie, that was really helpful. I really only skimmed through your latest thread bc it was about another book, lol... I am still working on UL ( at a snail's pace). Thanks for all the useful info!
This whole concept of desire first and then arousal is really blowing me away. Personally, I experience the two together, or I feel the tingles first and then I want to ML; it has never occurred to me to want to ML and then have to wait for arousal, except when we were doing the scheduled sex thing. Even then, I would prep myself with a bath and erotica to get going just a bit. I have always been much more of a feeling person...waiting for the right feelings, while my H is more cognitive, setting his mind to something and then doing it. In the past , he was the HD one but I was a dud...I didn't know what I wanted/needed to rev myself up, and H was not assertive either. He needed to feel in a good space with me to get aroused, and I needed some more interesting stimulation.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders...I feel forgiving of both him and myself, two clueless and awkward people with poor communication skills and immaturity. It's been easier to avoid all this and just move on in a platonic way toward an emotional, if not real, divorce. How sad for us all these yrs.
The good news is that at a time in our lives where the sex would have been dwindling anyway, we get the chance to reinvent ourselves and become more open, honest and direct and work towards intimacy. Last night H came through as he said he would and we had a nice nite. The journey continues.
