Quote: Do you think that your H is afraid that if he doesn't start out a sexual encounter fully aroused that he won't get aroused?
I think it might be partly performance anxiety, but I think it's more that he knows he is "arousal before desire" and he doesn't want to start the encounter not feeling the mental desire. I think he's more concerned that his head won't go to the right place than that his penis won't get hard.
Quote: Does he have the ability to relax and let his arousal happen as it will?
Mr.W is completely lacking the ability to relax in any context, sexual or otherwise. He is pretty much always either on edge and irritable or on edge and funny or on his third beer.
Quote: What if, even given his and your best efforts, arousal just doesn't happen?
This has never happened. If he allows himself to be in any way receptive to my overtures, he always ends up getting aroused. He definitely has LD not ED. If an irrational fear of ED is making him LD then he's just going to have to get over himself. If it turns out that this is the case then I definitely will try to convince him to get personal psychiatric counseling because it's a bit nutz to be operating along the lines of being more afraid of having an ED incident than losing your wife. Especially, since if that ever did happen I would be totally cool about it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
