I am really glad I started posting again because it's helping me get more specific in my thinking. I would categorize my H's sexuality right now as high desire, low arousal, or more like, slow arousal. I am wondering how far back this goes...certainly my LDness throughout the marriage hasn't helped any, but then again, that may have been a contributing factor to my LDness, my H's lack of assertiveness and confidence. I do remember yrs ago feeling frustrated by H's tendency to have inane convos before we ML; he needed to feel a sense of comfort and connection and good vibes--I was put off by this. And he used to do that goofy tickling that GEL and I have talked about before. This kind of stuff didn't work for me but I was unable to figure out and express what I did need to get going. I think my H's sexuality and mine are too much alike...you have two people who came together with lot of energy and enthusiasm, but whose naturally reserved personalities came out during marriage.
I am beginning to understand better why I don't get that validating feeling even though we are having lottsa sex. Now that I have figured out how not to be LD, I am in a better position to help out my H as long as I don't get so insecure. The weight thing is throwing me off now but it really isn't the issue...my H was like this when I was in my 20's before kids. But he does like thinness, and I like myself thinner, so I will make the effort to lose 15 lbs. for the both of us.
JJ, I was thinking about the time you went to a website and looked at "arousals" ---maybe I need to do that! Cure me of my arousal fixation.
Now that I have some semblance of sensuality, I can be less self absorbed and use it in a positive way to keep my H sexually provoked a bit more. I can do more in terms of affirmation, affection, good attitude, etc. and should read up on ED.
