Now that I have officially transitioned to the summer, I can focus on some of my current issues. For the most part, things between H and me are going well; we are keeping to a loose schedule of ML every few days, and H has been great about keeping the frequency going and just keeping sex on the agenda. He'll initiate little grabs here and there, and even went as far as whispering something provocative while having dinner with my parents. We made it through a stressful w/e by bonding through sex and some recreational fun. H went through a few weeks of feeling emotional/depressed/needy but seems better now; I myself have been feeling anxious and know I need to do some more differentiation work.
The thing that's setting me off is that H doesn't really seem physically attracted to me, and it's hard for me to accept the loss of this. His desire for me comes from the connection, which is great, but I guess the immature, vain part of me wants him to want me superficially, to be excited by my physical presence. He sometimes has difficulty with arousal, but he does get there, but this sets me in a downward spiral. I know I need to get into a better space and feel better about myself. I have recently gained some weight and just feel down on me, knowing that H prefers me pretty thin.
Intellectually I know that I need to get back into a confident state of mind, that it's not about getting validation from H, but I can't seem to get there.
