JL, Just wondering how the 'talk' went. I hope that everything is ok.
I was reading your post about the house keeping. My H used to tell me that he didn't marry me for my house-keeping ability. He wasn't kidding, although now I wonder why he ever married me at all.
Anyway, I think your H is using your house-keeping as an excuse. Remember, it's easier for the WAS to cast blame on the LBS. He has to have some reason to leave, so why not blame you, right?! Can't possibly take the blame themselves now, can they?
Your H sounds like mine in the fact that I also believe there is resentment there because I also stayed home with our kids. I also thought it was a decision that we both made, but apparently, it was one that I made alone. Funny, I don't remember a conversation telling me different.
But I do think that they feel alot of pressure being the primary breadwinner. They don't feel it is an equal partnership--they feel like they are doing all the work. But you and I, and any parent who has ever stayed home full time with their children know, that parenting and being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. And most of the time, so underappreciated.
My H seemed to think that I sat around and ate bon bons all day. I don't know how the elves managed to change all those diapers, do all the laundry, fix all the meals when they were up every four hours feeding a crying baby with colic.
Honestly, my life didn't change much when my H left (except for the amount of money I'm living on.) I'm still doing all the laundry, all the cooking (although it's less than I used to), all the cleaning, mowing the lawn all summer, taking care of three boys just like before---only now I also have a full time job. Now I don't have anyone snoring next to me and there is less hair in the drain.
I'd give anything to hear that snoring again.
Anyway JL, what I am saying is.....your H is making excuses for his actions. Do not allow yourself to feel like you are to blame for what he has decided to do. He is a grown man and responsible for his actions. He has chosen this, and blaming you makes it easier for him. Makes him feel better.
For now, take care of yourself. Stop worrying about what he is doing and why. You cannot control that. You have to let go, detach and live your life for yourself and the kids. Maybe if you go a little dark, he might look back in your direction.
