Shouldn't I be happy how things are going?

[JustLearning]

Thanks DNO for your words. I know that we are following a similar path in how our H's are acting. And no, you have not been harsh. They make a lot of sense.

I have taken the house off the market. I just can't deal with this whole thing at the moment. I don't like it, but I don't feel comfortable with selling it either. So, I guess the best action at the moment is no action at all.

I have stopped pushing him into any kind of answers. I did confront him about the OW, and he is still making it sound like they are "just friends". Yeah right. I told him that whatever R he has with her will conflict with any R we have. He doesn't believe that. He thinks they are 2 separate things that don't overlap. Sorry, ain't buying it and told him so. The entire time we had this talk he sat almost on top of me, he was sitting so close. This is a very rare thing. We usually sit opposite each other on the couches. He kept hugging me, kissing me. Kept laying his head on my shoulder. But couldn't seem to be honest with me about anything. He didn't say much at all, again.

He did end up in tears a couple of times when I had to go up to comfort S8 who heard us get loud. We weren't fighting but our voices were raised at one point and S8 woke up. I went up to comfort him, S8 tells me he just wants me, him and dad to do things together again. Then he says that he wants dad to come back and stay with us for good. H had walked into the room just as he was saying that. S8 was in tears, crying and so was I. I couldn't help it. I walked out and H talked to him for a few minutes. I was in the bathroom wiping my tears when H came out and came up to me hugging me, he was in tears too. Then another time later he was in tears. I couldn't feel too sorry for him though, he's the one who left.

I did tell him that if he had any inclination to make our M work, that OW would need to be completely out of his life.

And he's gone back to burying himself in his work, not seeing him much again, but pretending like everything is just fine.

Just before he left that night, he kept saying "what do we do now?". I told him that I had made a plan but he didn't seem to like it, so didn't know how to answer his question. The other times he would say it, I wouldn't even answer. I figure it's his job to decide what he wants to do.

I've had a tough time the last few weeks and now I just can't wait to go back to school!

Now on top of everything, my uncle died last week Monday. We were at the hospital all day watching him fade away after having been ill for the last several months. Basically his organs just started shutting down because of other complications with infections, diabetes, etc. He was a mess.

It was so very sad. We will miss him. But it just showed me more how much my family is important to me. It also showed me that I don't like being alone. I had no one to lean on, to support me. I was too busy supporting my Mom (this was her only brother) and trying to comfort my 3 cousins. For once in a very long time we came together as a family and learned that we do love one another even when we don't see each other. His funeral was yesterday and by the time I got home I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. All of this has taken its toll on me and my emotions. Just not sure how much more I can handle.

I know in my heart and in my head that no matter what happens that I will survive. It's the road getting from here to there that scares the beejeebes out of me.