JL, I am sorry about you finding out about the OW as you have. I think that deep down, you have had the gut instinct there about her from early on---but like me and my sitch, you didn't want to believe he would do that, so you denied it.
I now that you have read my threads, and I know that our stories are a little similar. Our H's have a foot in two different worlds. My H never told me about the other woman, even tho' he lived with her for almost 3 months before I found out and confronted him on it. Yes it hurts, but that is something that you have to work your way through.
I hate to say it, but sometimes these R's with OP just have to run their course. Sometimes they actually discover that the other woman is not everything that they thought. But don't give him reason to go running to her.
You are going to have to do a complete 180. You have to stop trying to push him into a decision about the two of you. Maybe you need to let him know that you know about his 'weekend' with the OW, and don't appreciate him taking your son. Sometimes the excitement of a secret R loses that excitement when it's out in the open. Then go dark with him. You have to stop pressuring him to make a decision---trust me, it just pushes them further away. No R talks from you. Do not contact him unless it's about kids, and be friendly if he contacts you.
You cannot control him or what he does JL. If he is meant to be with you, it will happen. But, it's not something that you can force. Look at my R---my H is still fence sitting---still has his feet in both worlds. Our decision is how long we put up with it.
As far as selling the house---stay there if you want to be there. You shouldn't make big decisions like that when your life is in such turmoil. I will tell you that staying in the family home is hard, especially if you actually do divorce. There are so many memories to live with---but, I also felt that my H and his OW took enough from me--why should I and my kids lose everything because he didn't want to be here anymore?
((((((((JL)))))))))))
Take this time to work on you. I know that you are going to school, which is really good. Maybe a part time job so that you don't feel so dependent on him. This will also help when you start looking for something full time. It really helped me when I started working again. Besides making my own money--I also met new people and made new friendships. Took my mind off of my screwed up life once in a while. It's scarry, but it will be ok. Don't let fear hold you back and don't make excuses for not moving forward with your own life. Take control.
Do things for yourself and your kids and try to remove what he is doing from your mind. You cannot fix this thing until he is ready to try---and as long as he is carrying on with her, he is not trying.
I'm sorry if any of this sounds harsh, but you know that I am right there with you.
