Shouldn't I be happy how things are going?

[JustLearning]

Thanks Calder, I really do appreciate your words, they are spot on! As I'm sure you know, the words make perfect sense, but executing it is completely different! I will keep trying to detaching myself from his drama.

This morning I got a call from my realtor. She has an offer on the house! Except, after I hung up, I felt panic. All of a sudden I wasn't too sure that I wanted to sell the house. I now see it as the begiining of our final separation. It scares the heck out of me.

I called H and he said we need to wait until Monday to give them an answer because he was leaving for a weekend away, and is incredibly stressed at work. I knew that is what he would say, and to be honest, I agreed. The realtor wasn't thrilled but I told her that was the best we could do under the circumstances. But I did freak a bit on the phone with him this morning. I couldn't contain it. I'm so scared of the unknown and what is going to happen. He told me that I don't let him say anything and what he does say, I blow it out of proportion. That I go from one extreme to another. I didn't try to defend myself, but did apologize for making him feel that way about me. We did agree that we communicate differently (duh!). I did tell him how I felt about him pulling away. He tells me I do this all the time, I told him that if I knew what was going on with him I wouldn't end up thinking in the extremes. It's a vicious cycle. I know I've got to stop that cycle. I feel as though I'm watching reruns over and over and over again. This pull away he does, and I think the absolute worst and dump it on him. Back to my own life and leaving him to his own drama. I can't wait until I go back to school so that I have something to distract me.

And as of tonight, I still have not gotten his note about his feelings. The one he's been telling me about since Tuesday. Still not here. It's driving me nuts. I wish he would have just not said anything about it, then just sent it when he got it done. This has also happened before.

Just because there are only reruns on tv right now for the summer, does he think it's ok to rerun this crappy love life?

My PMA is in the toilet at the moment and am struggling with the reasons for moving again. I'm just not sure it's a good idea now. UUGGHH!! Hopefully I can start thinking a bit straigher this weekend and get my head on right on decide what is the best thing for me and the boys.

Sorry if this seems all over the place, unfortunately that's how my brain is at the moment!

How do I detach myself emotionally from all of this??