Shouldn't I be happy how things are going?

[JustLearning]

So, here we are---patiently waiting for them to realize everything that they are giving up. Patience does wear thin.

Yes, DNO, it does wear very thin. So thin, that I think I busted through the patience again and vented. Not too bad this time, but made him know how I feel about being ignored, again.

2 weeks ago he was staying here every night for about 5-6 days. Then there were 2 business trips and now we are back to seeing him only on ocassion. Tonight was the first night we've seen him in a week and a half.

I know that my expectations get the better of me. My birthday was Monday. Me and S8 went to my aunts for the weekend with him saying he might try to come over for the day on Sun. A text on Sun am tells me he's not coming. He says he didn't know what he thought driving all that way and back for one day. Yes, I agree with that, I didn't know what he was thinking either. It's about a 3-4 hour drive one way. That was fine. Then he says he'll call me Mon morning. All I got was a text of him singing happy birthday to me. I came home later that day, as usual. Never heard from him until Tues afternoon, after I called to ask if he could watch S8 over the weekend. I'm going away with my best friend. It's something we have never done togehter so I'm really looking forward to it.

I know that I should see the positives. And I do, but I am having a hard time dealing with the half-hearted attempts to connect with me. I've been at this so long, I'm getting fed up.

I had to call my C to see her last night instead of today, I was so wound up. I just needed to cry. I had been on the verge of crying for 2 days.

H had sent an e-mail last week about putting a stake in the sand and making a move forward, whatever it is. I just have this dreadful feeling again. We went through this last year too while on vacation in FL. I just knew in my gut he was done, but here we are a year later. Things have been going so well, now he's pulled way back, yet again.

S8 and I met him for dinner tonight at his invitation, since he wasn't going to make it over tonight because of a race club meeting. He'll be over tomorrow night to take son out to shop for my birthday. Wonder if he'll get anything for me that's from him?

All I want is to feel some kind of emotional connection. I don't care how many days a week he's gone. I just want to know that when we do get together that he truly wants to be. I think the man has stuffed his emotions down so far, I'm not sure he even knows what they are anymore.

The other thing I thought was a negative was tonight when we were leaving the restaurant, S8 asked him again when we sell the house are you coming to live with us for good? This time my H chuckled a bit and said "we'll see". He has already told the boys that he was going to move with us, back when we were getting the house ready to sell. Now he's waffling. Again. Now I'm wondering if I need to take the house off the market?

This whole situation makes my head hurt, and my heart too. God this su$ks!!

Anybody got any words of wisdom? Something to make my head stop spinning? I've already gotten the duct tape out again to put over my mouth, I've said enough.

I did get some good news - my aunt is giving me her old laptop (which I'm guessing is only about 3 years old), the only stipulation is that we have to go spend Labor Day weekend with them! I think I can handle that! And my mom's Collie had her puppies last Friday. She had 10! 8 girls, 2 boys! Glad it was her and not me!!

Thanks everyone who reads.

JL