Ok, that was an odd showing. Or should I say showings. While out of the house for the showing they originally called about, I was called and asked if the same realtor could go back to the house again. Sure! I am taking the assumption that it was for the same client. We'll see if anything comes of it.

Anyway, back to my story. I've started this new thread to try to put my thoughts in black and white, seeing if I can make sense of what's going on.

For quite some time I've pretty much had the "whatever" attitude with what my H does or doesn't do. It's acting as if, trying really hard to keep expectations at zero and a lot of therapy. But is there such a thing as having a H feel as though he's not needed?

I can take care of myself and the house and the children. I truly only need him for his money, which sounds horrible. That is the only thing that I have relied on since this all started, and he's never said a peep about it. I take care of all of it, his paycheck included.

He was here for most of the week last week, but I felt as though he wasn't truly into it. There is very little affection (which I am discovering that is one of my LL's - physical touch), almost seems to avoid me. When here in the evenings, he's got his nose in his computer playing a "Tycoon" game until all hours. Several nights I never even knew he came to bed until I woke the next morning!

I know it is a great start that he's even staying here and actually sleeping in the same bed as me (which he didn't do when he came back the first time, 4 months after he left. He left again after 2 months of he!!, and him sleeping on the couch the entire time). I am getting so incredibly tired of the snail's pace, it's driving me batty!!

I have to say it's actually easier when they aren't here. I just don't know what to do when he's here. I don't want to pursue, talking about this stuff seems to be off limits, it's like if he doesn't talk about it, it will all go away and life can move on. I have questions I need answers to. Not sure if I'll ever get them. And if I don't get them, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to trust him fully again.

He knows I'm mistrusting, and yet doesn't seem too inclined to try to reassure me. The things he does is that he "does" more things. He does call a lot more often to tell me about what's going on at work. He actually took the trash out for me last week without being asked! It's those little things that help alot, and I've told him several times that I see the effort he is making.

But when I ask for a bit of verbal reassurance, more affection, he looks at me and says nothing. There are things that are very positive and yet I still feel so underwhelmed, like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My patience level has hit another low and need some feedback about what to do next, if anything. When do I become important again? When do I start feeling like I'm a priority again? Will it ever come back?

Thanks for reading this far. I've got to get to bed, I have a final tomorrow then I'm off for the summer! Yeah!

JL

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...