But these are all the "excuses" given by the WASs - not the real reasons.
The real reasons? After 3 years on this board, I am convinced that 95% of the time, the WAS is suffering from untreated depression or severe midlife crisis (fear of aging or death and dying). The dopamine "high" of infatuation, new experiences, buying things, etc. contributes to the behaviors of affairs, reckless spending, taking up new activities, etc. And dopamine temporarily relieves their depression, so they think they're "in love". When that high wears off, of course, they are in even worse shape than before, because they thought all these external things would make them happy, but they couldn't outrun the fact that the unhappiness was within themselves and goes with them.
Are there marriage problems that increase this risk? Sure - decreased sex, women too preoccupied with the kids and not paying enough attention to their H, H's too preoccupied with work and not paying enough attentions to their Ws, financial worries, work worries, death in the family, child or spouse with chronic illness or life-threatening illness.
But in the long haul, I'd say that most of the people I've seen here, while they had issues they could work on in the marriage, had marriages that were no better or worse than most before the bomb dropped. Therefore, I'd say it most often has to do with untreated depression and the fallout from the depressed person's pursuit of something (someone) to make them feel better.
