Dear fellow sister goddesses... Not as much action as you all think ...more about that later....
Yesterday (Thursday), H called about noon to inquired what time I will be back from my trip. We had a very very short convo about this. At about 4.30 pm, H called again (I wasactually in a meeting, but took the call anyway....I know I shouldn't but it has been so rare lately that H calls me) and told me about the offer from Company X, which was an offer that he couldn't refuse. He then asked "or you don't want me to go?" to which I answered "Go....it's up to you". We talked alittle bit more about the tax in that foreign country..blah blah blah. At 5.30 pm, H texted me again...on his offer from Company X. At 8.30 pm, H called me again..I was on the road and he asked if I had dinner blah blah blah, and if I could get some take-away for him. I reached home about 9.30 pm, H ate and then asked me to get him some money from the bank...and we went to the bank together, when we came back, I thought I was gonna get some.. since he is leaving today for his worktrip of TWO weeks. Gosh..was I disappointed H: No..I am tired. What are you gonna do if we really go on our separate ways? Get you a cucumber? Me: Well, I don't have to...I just have to go out and find some guy...I am sure it won't be difficult. H: Get a toy boy? Me: Mmm...maybe but not really toy boy toy boy...don't fancy too young... (this convo went on for awhile.. and then I went to have my shower and H came in and commented on my butterfly tattoo...) H: So,...see who is the lucky guy that gets to see it? Me: Yeah! I feel really sexy with it. H: (Grinning away)... Who took you to do it? Me: Friends H: C? J? Workmates? Who? Me: Friends....you don't know them... Well...still didn't get any action H was tidying his work to leave for his trip today... Asked me to help him sort out his cc fraud, and gave me his atm card (wow...he hasn't given me his atm card for eons... Is this a good sign? Normally, he will insist that he takes money out for me) I went to bed alone...
Next morning, i.e today, H had a short convo with S8; H: Remember I told you that dad will work somewhere else? Do you want to go to school here or over there? S8: Err... I don't know. Maybe here, and I come over and see you over the holidays... cause I have my PS2 here. H: That's not a good excuse..I can buy a PS2 over there... blah blah blah...
Our convo - Me: Are you getting a furnished or unfurnished place? H: Furnished...you all probably will not come over( he doesn't want us there? ) Me: (Quiet...) H: I am going to give the letter when I come back from my two week trip. That will shock them...(grin) Me: When are you gonna start? H: Probably 1st week September, but Company X wants me to start in Aug, but I told them that would be difficult. Me: End Aug would be nice, then boys can go and be with you...school holidays ...at least they will see that daddy is really working, not abandoning them... H: August a bit difficult. I have to tidy up stuff for my present company. Probably September. Then he got ready and dashed off from the house saying he is late for his meeting..and said "Bye...see you in two weeks!" No hugs, no kisses..no real byes!
What do you make of that? Positives and Negatives on the same page!!! Could the negatives not really negatives? I am hopeful but cautious.
Whew- your H is exhausting. I actually think it's a really good thing that he's going away for a few weeks, even if you didn't get any before he left. Give him a chance to miss you.
It sounds like he's really testing you. Everything he says seems to be trying to get a response. You are doing really well with the low-key answers.
Question... do you want him to take this job? Being non-committal is good, but so is "Asking for what you want". Maybe tell him in a really low pressure way what you want. He may be seeking some encouragement.
Hey...H just called me and told me to DO some chores for him for his NEW job. Pick up his photos, go to the post office to send the documents to Company X blah blah blah. AND the other thing that he said was "They also ask for your info and the boys. Up to you if you want to give them". WHAT do you make of that??? Is it that it is UP to me to follow him or not? Or what? He was just saying that we won't follow him this morning... I am really confused by what he is trying to project to me. ???
I am not sure if he is gonna miss me The OW will be there on the work trip too. Perhaps he will be having so much fun that I am OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND?? Okay okay..I have to stop wondering or I will go insane! I better concentrate on S8's birthday party...he will be turning 8 and he wants to have a "Star Wars Party". Initially, he wanted to have 7 friends over...but over time, the list grew to 21 friends...and the last I heard was 25 friends... So, will be busy with party planning whilst H is away...
WIth regards to this new job...I guessed it's the only way to be physically away from OW? I mean if remains where he is today, he will be seeing OW everyday, and have to work with her. It is rather difficult to break-off?? I know the mind should be stronger than the heart..but I don't think H is that strong to do it whilst still working in the same company. Also, the offer from Company X is really very good. Too good to decline. I guessed even if our R doesn't mend...at least our financial sitch will improve. I am still entitled to whatever he earns... I did tell the kids that even if we don't follow, dad could come back weekends or we could go... Well, anyways, we'll see..
Contract is for 2 years.I just spoke to XYZ and told them that you may join me later. Suggestion from them is that I apply on my own first. Will provide your details when and if you are coming later. As for medical...you are all covered.
What do you all make of that? Positive or Negative or Neutral?
hi yoyo, I think is very positive but remember , don't think he made a decision on you guys yet but it is good. baby steps, he still considers you in his life and his plans, he has not made up his mind yet. Keep your chin up, i think is a very positive thing but stay focus.
Dear Dreamer - Thanks for making me realise that we are not in the clear yet. I know...I am feeling hopeful but cautious. I think it's a good reminder from you that he has yet to make a concrete decision about US. I think I need to be reminded so that I don't get carried off by the clouds.... Thanks!
Yoyo - My 2cents is that I think he's looking for you to ask to come. He's afraid of rejection so he's hinting around. However, I think you're playing it right because since he's not convinced enough to commit to it, if you ask to join him, he'll run again. See how the next 2 weeks of his business trip goes, and how much closer he comes to making a real commitment to you. Don't take one step towards him, but make sure he's not fearful of being harshly rejected. It's a balancing act, Sister Goddess!
Anna - I think you may be right there. I think he is not very committed, and whenever I outrightly ask him if we were joining him, he does seem like he tries to avoid saying an outright YES and more of refuting the idea. But whenever I do NOT say anything about joining, he seems to bring it up himself like "maybe you and the boys can join later". I think for the time being, I am just gonna let it be and let him take the lead. I will just take one day at a time.
I have to say that I was quite depressed last night (Friday night). As I mentioned in my previous post, H asked me to do send some documentation for him for his work permit, and one of the "documents" was photocopy of ALL pages of his passport. I wasn't snooping, but the docs were there and I couldn't help myself and looked. And it CONFIRMED what I already knew..that he spent his birthday with OW!!! He didn't fly off on his birthday as he claimed. He only left the country the next day. I mean I knew he lied, but to have confirmation stare at my face was quite devastating (That's why we shouldn't LOOK/SNOOP at all - fellow Sister Goddesses...we only hurt ourselves. I s
Anna - I think you may be right there. I think he is not very committed, and whenever I outrightly ask him if we were joining him, he does seem like he tries to avoid saying an outright YES and more of refuting the idea. But whenever I do NOT say anything about joining, he seems to bring it up himself like "maybe you and the boys can join later". I think for the time being, I am just gonna let it be and let him take the lead. I will just take one day at a time.
I have to say that I was quite depressed last night (Friday night). As I mentioned in my previous post, H asked me to do send some documentation for him for his work permit, and one of the "documents" was photocopy of ALL pages of his passport. I wasn't snooping, but the docs were there and I couldn't help myself and looked. And it CONFIRMED what I already knew..that he spent his birthday with OW!!! He didn't fly off on his birthday as he claimed. He only left the country the next day. I mean I knew he lied, but to have confirmation stare at my face was quite devastating (That's why we shouldn't LOOK/SNOOP at all - fellow Sister Goddesses...we only hurt ourselves. I should listen to myself more. I seem to give NO SNOOPING/LOOKING advice on other's posts but can't seem to follow my own advice?? ) I had to quickly call my girlfriend and mom to talk my heart out to avoid my STRONG urge to call him to say "A-HA..I have proof that you lied". No, I didn't call him at all, and will not bring it up because doing so will only upset him and bring the defense out. I had to swallow whatever sorrow and anger or whatever negative feelings for the time being. Had a chat with my mom and have concluded that him lying to me to see the OW is better than him telling me outright that he is seeing the OW, I guessed. Well, putting this episode behind.
H did text me last night at about 9.30 pm, saying that he has checked into the transit hotel, and he's drinking in the hotel bar. I left it at that. Didn't reply his text. And he texted me at 5.30 am this morning, telling me that he will be taking the 7.20 am flight to the States. And he called me on my mobile at 6.20 AM and was upset that I didn't pick up the house phone and I sleepily (At bloody 6.20 am on a Saturday morning? Of course I was asleep! What was he thinking??) told him that I wasn't at home as I was sleeping over at my parent's house. And he said that he'll be embarking the plane soon and will call me the next day when he arrives. SO... I shall see when he will next call or text me. I have decided to NOT call or text him while he is away, and instead wait for him to do it. These two weeks will tell - either he misses us or not. Nothing I can do...other than wait patiently.
I agree with Anna...sounds like your H is afraid of rejection so he won't come right out and ask you to come...he's waiting for you to ask...but probably not a good idea to do that.
See what the next 2 weeks will be like...don't text him, let him miss you, or keep him guessing why you aren't calling him...it will peak his curiosity and he'll probably end up calling you more.
As for snooping..it's so hard not to do. i did it this week too as I was cleaning around the house. I moved H's gym bag but also looked inside...found house keys that are not ours. These appeared after H had spent 4 nights away ( b/c he didn't want to be here for my BBQ with friends )...so I guess OW gave him easy access to her place while she had to work on that weekend. It sucks when we find out these things, but for me sometimes it is a good reality check...I don't get my hopes high when H starts showing postives with me b/c I have confirmation that he is still actively involved with OW. That's how I choose to look at it ( usually after I've calmed down after the initial shock and anger ). Okay...your H lied to you about where he was for his Bday...but did you honestly think he would start magically telling the truth overnight?? Use it as a reality check...it helps keep you detached and moving along slowly with caution. ( My H earlier this week looked like he wanted to ML with me...and who knows maybe I would have caved if i hadn't seen the keys already...I knew he is still with OW, but keys to me say that their R is speeding up, not slowing down...so to ML with H would have been a big backslide for me ).
...more about that later....
since he is leaving today for his worktrip of TWO weeks. Gosh..was I disappointed 
he doesn't want us there? )