Kim... It's easier said than done!!! I am still feeling down, although I got good news at work today. I have been offered a COMPANY CAR!!! YAY!! Will get it end of the month. I should be really happy. A whole lot of savings in $$.
The down side is that when I texted H, He texted back "Happy for you!". I know it sounded innocent enough but somehow it's something that a friend says...not H. Last couple of times, he said he wanted to sell his car, and when I said that since I am getting a company car, and why don't he sell his,..he is like unsure of selling his car now. GOSH. I really want to scream at this a$$hole. I called him and he was not in the office, and was in a haste to go....I wonder...Is he with the OW? I know STOP STOP STOP!!!!! I should be glad that I am getting a company car...I should focus on that!!
Congrats on the company car. I know it's hard not to think what H is doing. I was always obsessing about his time away from home (running errands and such) and thinking is he with OW? Well you know what...I was right sometimes and sometimes I wasn't.
If you haven't read my thread yet, H will be moving forward with a divorce. I'm kinda releived and kinda sad, but I will be okay. Thanks for being there for me and giving me the encourgement when I needed it the most.
I'll check on you from time to time. Good luck!!
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
KDK - Thanks for dropping by. Sorry to hear about the divorce. Things were looking great for you a couple of weeks back. I guessed the WAS's brains are indeed so MUSHED up that it is rather difficult to UNMUSH? How to you make a mashed potato back into a baked potato?? Gosh..that sounds quite depressing...I am sure things will still be great and continue to be great. After all, you are a great and strong gal. And if H doesn't see it, it's his loss. Take Care!!
Journalling.. I have to say that I feel much better this morning... Really the time of the month blues... H did say that he was gonna be late last night. BUT he got home about 9.40 pm. I expected him to be home like around midnight or later. Mmm....I wonder ?? He was very cheerful and inquired about the company car. And he said "I guessed now you are such a high-flyer at work that if I ask you to follow me to the foreign country, you wouldn't". I answered that "only ask when you only mean it. Don't just ask for fun". He kept quiet...meaning he did just wanna ask for the sake of asking. Anyway, he further queried about the car, and he did say that he will sell his car. The question is if I want to sell my car. Cause if he does leave for the country, we will definitely not need his car, and I would have 2 cars for myself...which would be one car too many. ANyway, I told him that I will decide when I actually have physically gotten the company car at the end of the month. Then H watched TV..not much convo, I read. Then he said he's gonna go watch Star Wars in another room..and that was it. This morning...no drama. He left before I was up. We'll see what happens over the weekend.
Activities to keep BZ.... Lunch Today - Ice-Cream Lunch...yum-yum Tonight (Friday) - Outdoor cinema with girls for chick flick Saturday AM - Yoga for the body and mind Saturday PM - Dinner with friends, their sons and then outdoor movie (Robots & Incredibles... probably can't keep awake till that late ...) Sunday AM - Going to a b'day party with S5 Sunday PM - Friend's Daughter's One-month Celebration...
You know what YoYo even though you have been struggling take a good look you have actually done really well. Twice now your H has said "Would you and the boys join him" and twice now you have dismissed it and said ask me when you are sure and used great DBing. That is really good. Pat on the back for YoYo This is what I would call a baby step. O.K. so you cried a bit you are human after all. Just thought you should look at the positives instead of the Negatives.....Kim
Kim - Although I do see sort of small baby steps, I guessed I am still holding up my emotional wall, just to be safe that I don't tumble down from the hill when the opposite happens. I want to believe that H is feeling more positive about our M, but I really really don't know. I have continued with being calm and controlling my reactions. But you know, it is really really hard as the OW works with him. I don't think there would be REAL positives until he at least leaves his current workplace. H has not updated me on anything about his past interviews. I don't know if he has declined the offer or there wasn't any offer... It is kinda hard...being patient..waiting for a decision from H...
Journalling.. Friday night - H called me around lunch time, told me that he would be late. I said "OK", I didn't ask where or why. I left kids over at my mom's place. Went to an outdoor cinema for a movie with my sisters...Was fun. Quite a funny movie. H called me at about 8 pm, he was home. Inquired about me and the boys. Told him boys are at my mom's and I am out. Didn't volunteer anymore info. Movie ended and I got home about 11 pm. About 11.30 pm, H got home. Told me that he had drinks with this guy who offered him to be his assistant. I kept quiet, and went to bed.
Saturday - Got up early for my Yoga. Didn't see H. After Yoga, brought boys back home. H played Playstation with sons. I cooked lunch, and we had lunch together. Splattered some sauce on my shirt while eating and I said "Ooops" and H said "When were you EVER careful??" I was quite pissed but said "Yeah, I am never careful. I agree with you." Said it really calmly, and H kept quiet. After lunch, I went to my room and read. H was packing his bags...he's going away for work soon. When he was done, he asked "why do you have a sour face?". I didn't look at him and answered "No..I was not". And then he came over and teased me abit. Well, we ended up having s@x. And as usual, I didn't expect any cuddles after that, and I went to have my afternoon nap. H got up and said that he needed to go into the office, and would meet us at the outdoor cinema tonight. I actually didn't expect him to go. But he did turn up at the venue, but he hung-out with the ppl there rather than with us. But I can't complain, cause he introduced me to his friends as "this is my wife". I have to say that felt good...being introduced as his wife...the kids know that he came (as he said he would. If he didn't, then they would be disappointed). But he left early. I a$$sumed that he went to see the OW but when I called him, he was already at home.
Sunday - H said that he's gonna go to McD's to get a coffee and then proceed to his out-of-state drive. (H's got a meeting on Mon/Tues out-of-state and will be back on Tuesday evening). I did wonder if he went to see the OW. But he called me about 10.00 am. Told me that he was still at McD's and some cops stopped to asked to see his ID. He said he was sitting quite ungentlemenly and smoking... I thought that was kinda funny. (Him calling me up to tell me this...that is a glimpse of my old H. This is the H that I miss...). He came back about 5 minutes later. We had a short chat about the incident again. Were getting the boys ready for the birthday party, and H said that he will leave together, and we did. About 3 pm, I texted him about him killing my plants, and he called me immediately. Laughed at my comment about his cigarrette ashes over my plants - putting holes onto them... Didn't hear from H till about 10.30 pm. He texted me again saying that he had just finished dinner and getting into bed. No calls though..
This morning...have not heard from H yet...
I have to say that on the whole, I am feeling positive, but again, am not too sure about it all. BUT I will continue to keep my PMA and GAL....
I see definite baby steps!! You're handling everything so well... keep it up and he'll inch closer.
And how jealous am I????? You get laid more in month than I used to in 6 months!!! Naked cartwheels wouldn't get a blink out of my H. Enjoy your sex slave!!!!
Mmm...I wonder if I backslid today? I've not heard from H since his text msg last night at 10.30 pm. Then, I saw that he logged into the MSN Messenger and I IMed him. As usual, he was bz, bz, bz. And he said that he would call me later. I think I just pursued?? I think I am sort of kidding myself when I say that I don't care...I think I still do. *sigh* I just really have to detach! detach ! detach!
Gosh..Anna...I think getting laid is the only connection left with my H. We don't really talk much, other than bits and pieces about the kids. We don't go out together alone, and no..I have not asked it nor pursued that he spend time with me. I know that would be pressuring and that would definitely drive him away. At the moment, I am just leaving everything in his hands. Well, I guessed a little IM wouldn't hurt. Don't think he sees that as pressure? I think I should delete H from my IM contacts. Then I won't keep on thinking about him. Gosh..but it is kinda hard, especially he is going to the States this Friday for two weeks!! The OW would be going as well.... That sucks. This work thing. I really have to have PMA and GAL ...need to start planning on what to do to fill my time.
This is what I would call a baby step. O.K. so you cried a bit you are human after all. Just thought you should look at the positives instead of the Negatives.....Kim