Kim - Although I do see sort of small baby steps, I guessed I am still holding up my emotional wall, just to be safe that I don't tumble down from the hill when the opposite happens. I want to believe that H is feeling more positive about our M, but I really really don't know. I have continued with being calm and controlling my reactions. But you know, it is really really hard as the OW works with him. I don't think there would be REAL positives until he at least leaves his current workplace. H has not updated me on anything about his past interviews. I don't know if he has declined the offer or there wasn't any offer... It is kinda hard...being patient..waiting for a decision from H...
Journalling.. Friday night - H called me around lunch time, told me that he would be late. I said "OK", I didn't ask where or why. I left kids over at my mom's place. Went to an outdoor cinema for a movie with my sisters...Was fun. Quite a funny movie. H called me at about 8 pm, he was home. Inquired about me and the boys. Told him boys are at my mom's and I am out. Didn't volunteer anymore info. Movie ended and I got home about 11 pm. About 11.30 pm, H got home. Told me that he had drinks with this guy who offered him to be his assistant. I kept quiet, and went to bed.
Saturday - Got up early for my Yoga. Didn't see H. After Yoga, brought boys back home. H played Playstation with sons. I cooked lunch, and we had lunch together. Splattered some sauce on my shirt while eating and I said "Ooops" and H said "When were you EVER careful??" I was quite pissed but said "Yeah, I am never careful. I agree with you." Said it really calmly, and H kept quiet. After lunch, I went to my room and read. H was packing his bags...he's going away for work soon. When he was done, he asked "why do you have a sour face?". I didn't look at him and answered "No..I was not". And then he came over and teased me abit. Well, we ended up having s@x. And as usual, I didn't expect any cuddles after that, and I went to have my afternoon nap. H got up and said that he needed to go into the office, and would meet us at the outdoor cinema tonight. I actually didn't expect him to go. But he did turn up at the venue, but he hung-out with the ppl there rather than with us. But I can't complain, cause he introduced me to his friends as "this is my wife". I have to say that felt good...being introduced as his wife...the kids know that he came (as he said he would. If he didn't, then they would be disappointed). But he left early. I a$$sumed that he went to see the OW but when I called him, he was already at home.
Sunday - H said that he's gonna go to McD's to get a coffee and then proceed to his out-of-state drive. (H's got a meeting on Mon/Tues out-of-state and will be back on Tuesday evening). I did wonder if he went to see the OW. But he called me about 10.00 am. Told me that he was still at McD's and some cops stopped to asked to see his ID. He said he was sitting quite ungentlemenly and smoking... I thought that was kinda funny. (Him calling me up to tell me this...that is a glimpse of my old H. This is the H that I miss...). He came back about 5 minutes later. We had a short chat about the incident again. Were getting the boys ready for the birthday party, and H said that he will leave together, and we did. About 3 pm, I texted him about him killing my plants, and he called me immediately. Laughed at my comment about his cigarrette ashes over my plants - putting holes onto them... Didn't hear from H till about 10.30 pm. He texted me again saying that he had just finished dinner and getting into bed. No calls though..
This morning...have not heard from H yet...
I have to say that on the whole, I am feeling positive, but again, am not too sure about it all. BUT I will continue to keep my PMA and GAL....
