Is waiting (quietly, not voiced out to H) for H to choose either the family or OW, part of DBing
"Waiting" in the sense of not moving forward with your life, or having H's decision be the contingency that makes your life for you - then, no, that's not the essence of DB.
Having patience, understanding that these things take more time than you'd like, giving that time and space without pursuit, not permitting your own impatience to ferment and build into frustration and anger, in that sense, that's very much part and parcel of DBing.
Sophie, NY - Thanks for your input. I don't think that I am "sitting down doing nothing and waiting" for H's decision. I guessed NY's latter comment about patience is the route I am taking?? It's just that everything feels so WEIRD with "doing nothing" for the R or M. Meanwhile, I am continuing with GAL, am still going to work (work projects are starting to pile up as I've been rather inefficient the last couple of months, plus my company is growing real fast...and I've been given the opportunity to be part of), continuing to meet with my friends and workmates, have fun with my kids (with or without H).... So, in essence, I am getting on with my life as "normal". I just don't know if this is healthy in the LONG run....
Journalling... H came back late again last night. But I was up since I was watching the pilot episode of Desperate Housewives (we are kinda slow with network tv over here....). H asked to use my notebook and he continued to work in our home office. Later, he came in and asked "Do you know how much the international school is?" I said mmm "50 K?". H said "Registration is US 15 K, and each semester is US 10 K". I was like "Crazy!". That was the end of our convo last night.
This morning...we had a 5-sentence convo about this weekend's outdoor cinema which H said that he wanted to invite some friends to, his short drinks session with another friend last night, his "foul" name in the market now (due to our sitch). At work this morning, I turned on my notebook (H did not log-out properly) and saw that he was surfing the net for information on rental homes in the country that he may work in. He also went into the site for the international school. (Is that a good sign? That he is looking at schools for the boys over there? Does he want us to go with him? I don't know. DO NOT EXPECT!! DO NOT HOPE! EXPECTATIONS will only cause disappointment. So STOP it now!!!)
Okay...Need to work now...There's like at least 3 projects on my desk!!
Hi yoyogirl. Thanks for dropping by my thread (or is it stitch? I haven't figured out all of the jargon yet). After reading your stitch I feel for you. You seem to be doing a good job under the circumstances. I am pulling for you and all of the DBers out there trying to do the right thing...Best of luck and keep it up.
Hey YOYO - Just letting you know I am still around and am watching what is happening in your sitch. I think you have received much the same advise as I would give but just know alot of us feel the same way about DBing but I think it is for the greater good. It does put us out of our comfort zone but I think we have to keep working until DBing all of the time feels comfortable as our life will be better with or without H. I guess we would worry less in the end and learn that we have no control over other's behaviour. Sounds like I have it all figured but I don't that's what I think today doesn't mean I can live it although know I am trying. Here's cheers to you Yoyo to continue to have the patience....Kim
Yo-Yo, do you think he might have not logged out so you could see what he was looking at? I dont know, it's hard to figure out - they tend to be so sneaky yet do such no brainers.
No expectations is always the way to look at things, at least until theres some hint of consistancy.
Hey all... Thanks for all your support. I really need loads!!! I don't know what's wrong with me these few days...I feel very unsure of myself and my PMA is not doing great either. It's either due to the moon and the stars or it's just the time of the month where my hormones do funny things to me.
Last night...as usual H came back 9-ish pm. I was just about to turn the lights off. He showered and then wanted to talk. He was exceptionally cheerful. I, on the other hand could not uphold my DBing mood/face (blame it on time of the month again...I know..BAD YOYO BAD YOYO) and was rather sombre but calm. Our convo: H: Oh..it's drawing close to the time that I have to make a decision. Me: (Quiet)....You know...this 25th will be our 18 years together... H: (Very Cheerful) Oh..Yah...Wow...18 years... I remember it took a lot of hard work to pursue you. Wow...18 years ME: (BAD YOYO...starting to cry) H: I thought you said that you won't cry anymore? ME: Well, I said a lot of things but I can't help it. 18 years may seem nothing to you... Cnnvo went on blah blah.. very calm. No shouting H: After a few months on my own, I might ask you & boys to join me in the foreign country, would you? Me: Hypothetical...You did say "you might" but you might not. So, ask me when you really want us to join you. No point in asking now when it may not happen. Me: Anyway, whatever it is, I just have to confront the brutal facts. H: What about me? I need to confront the brutal facts too. Me: Yeah...but it's your decision, whereas for me/boys, we have to live with your decision. H: Anyway, just to let you know that I know within myself that we have a chance. Me: What chance? H: Chance for us to work out. Me: (Crying) Well, you let me know when you really want to work it out, cause at the moment, there doesn't seem to be any space for me. Convo went on blah blah blah...no screaming...no animosity. Ended up with him giving me a peck on my cheek and then a "smell" of my hair????
Next morning, I went up at about 5.30 am. He was not in bed, I peeked out of our room. He was reading in another room and when he saw me, came back into the room and said that he woke up at 4.30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. We had a short chat about the boys' activities for Saturday, and then I reverted back to sleep. I think H was crying cause I heard sniffles. Kept quiet. Not long later, he left for work.
What do you make of that? I really don't know anymore. I just hope that I am indeed going to be stronger and a better person after all this.
I've been reading so many threads and I wonder... despite of me/H being from a different country, different culture, different race, different religion.... At the end of the day, my H is acting/feeling just like any WAH in the threads on this bb. And my feelings and thoughts are also the same.... I guessed humans ARE humans...regardless or other differences..
You know what Yoyo - you sound so sad and I don't blame you it is such a rollercoaster and a hard one to stay on but we do - Why because we love our H's. You do sound like your sitch has got hope, which is good and all I can say is just keep doing what you are doing, DBing as much as possible and lots of "as if's" you were doing really well and look at the confusion in your H when you have been acting "as if" don't backslide now and show him your old self or you may undo your good work. Be happy with who you are but obviously for all our Marriage sakes we all have to change a bit, some more than others but nothing is one sided. As NYSurvivor says we can only control ourselves and our own actions not theirs. So control you and your reactions to him the best way you can and keep busy, the more you keep busy the less you will think of him and your sitch. It will still pop up but if your busy it wont pop up as often. (Well only when he is around and something else pop's up ) No that was a joke to make you laugh. Come on Yoyo - you were doing well and you can continue to, what will be will be and we can only live day to day with what we are going through. Promise yourself tomorrow you will have a happier day and you just might..(((()))) to you..Kim
No worries that is what we are here for. Ice-cream yummy have some for me, it is Winter here and a bit too cold for Ice-cream (brrrrr). How's the tatt going???? Is it all healed now???? Has H mentioned it again?????
Hey... My little butterfly tattoo is almost all healed up. Nope, H has not mentioned it except that he made a passing about me being the one with the MLC.
I think enough of me moping now... PMA PMA PMA....
I don't know what's wrong with me these few days...I feel very unsure of myself and my PMA is not doing great either. It's either due to the moon and the stars or it's just the time of the month where my hormones do funny things to me. 
) No that was a joke to make you laugh. Come on Yoyo - you were doing well and you can continue to, what will be will be and we can only live day to day with what we are going through. Promise yourself tomorrow you will have a happier day and you just might..(((()))) to you..Kim 
