Hey all... Thanks for all your support. I really need loads!!! I don't know what's wrong with me these few days...I feel very unsure of myself and my PMA is not doing great either. It's either due to the moon and the stars or it's just the time of the month where my hormones do funny things to me.

Last night...as usual H came back 9-ish pm. I was just about to turn the lights off. He showered and then wanted to talk. He was exceptionally cheerful. I, on the other hand could not uphold my DBing mood/face (blame it on time of the month again...I know..BAD YOYO BAD YOYO) and was rather sombre but calm. Our convo:
H: Oh..it's drawing close to the time that I have to make a decision.
Me: (Quiet)....You know...this 25th will be our 18 years together...
H: (Very Cheerful) Oh..Yah...Wow...18 years... I remember it took a lot of hard work to pursue you. Wow...18 years
ME: (BAD YOYO...starting to cry)
H: I thought you said that you won't cry anymore?
ME: Well, I said a lot of things but I can't help it. 18 years may seem nothing to you...
Cnnvo went on blah blah.. very calm. No shouting
H: After a few months on my own, I might ask you & boys to join me in the foreign country, would you?
Me: Hypothetical...You did say "you might" but you might not. So, ask me when you really want us to join you. No point in asking now when it may not happen.
Me: Anyway, whatever it is, I just have to confront the brutal facts.
H: What about me? I need to confront the brutal facts too.
Me: Yeah...but it's your decision, whereas for me/boys, we have to live with your decision.
H: Anyway, just to let you know that I know within myself that we have a chance.
Me: What chance?
H: Chance for us to work out.
Me: (Crying) Well, you let me know when you really want to work it out, cause at the moment, there doesn't seem to be any space for me.
Convo went on blah blah blah...no screaming...no animosity. Ended up with him giving me a peck on my cheek and then a "smell" of my hair????

Next morning, I went up at about 5.30 am. He was not in bed, I peeked out of our room. He was reading in another room and when he saw me, came back into the room and said that he woke up at 4.30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. We had a short chat about the boys' activities for Saturday, and then I reverted back to sleep. I think H was crying cause I heard sniffles. Kept quiet. Not long later, he left for work.

What do you make of that? I really don't know anymore. I just hope that I am indeed going to be stronger and a better person after all this.

I've been reading so many threads and I wonder... despite of me/H being from a different country, different culture, different race, different religion.... At the end of the day, my H is acting/feeling just like any WAH in the threads on this bb. And my feelings and thoughts are also the same.... I guessed humans ARE humans...regardless or other differences..