Hey...Sophie, glj, Kim - The last few days have been rather odd..for my feelings. I know..the name yoyogirl does really fit the bill. I know what I want to do, i.e. to persevere till the end of the year (at least...) but so many ppl have been telling me to dump him, dump him...I've been thinking about the whole sitch alot (to the extent that I've been woken up from deep sleep) and wondering if I am doing the right thing. I've seek reassurances from my mentor (who is a wise 53 year old gentleman) and my mother; and they've both said that I am doing the right thing by sticking this through. I've also evaluated why H and I always come to a un-fun discussion about the whole sitch, and I've realised that it was I who was always bringing up things like maintenance $$ for the boys, time for the boys blah blah blah; and that would always bring the H's defense out. I think I seriously have to BACK-OFF all this talk. I mean if H really wants to end our M officially, he would be off looking for a L, to make any separation legal. I shouldn't be the one asking for legalities, correct? I find that most of our time together is actually quite pleasant (when I don't bring anything up...) So, I really have to zip my lips and throw away the key...Oh...H said that OW is not pressuring him to leave his family. (mmmmm... Anybody has any experience about this? Will OW eventually pressure? Or are they contented to be the OW for a long long time?? Any responses anyone??)

Friday night..took boys to an outdoor cinema to watch "Revenge of the Sith". The boys have obviously seen it, and they were more interested to run around the field. H said that he was gonna come, but didn't. Just as well that I didn't mention it to the boys. My mom and MIL went along. We did have fun... Met a friend there. Had a chat..

Saturday... Went for my YOGA in the morning. H took boys out to the mall and then to their dentist's appointment. S8 has an extra tooth growing out of his palate. Yucky, I know...it needs to be removed surgically. So, H suggested that we bring him to his cousin who has a dental clinic in another state...Well, he figured his cousin could do a better job than the available dentists here. I went out with some girlfriends for lunch... H called me while I was still at lunch and told me that he's going out with a friend to look at cars with a guy friend! He is thinking of changing his car. Later that evening, H came back, didn't look too happy..(Perhaps his guy friend gave him a lecture about the sitch?? No..not gonna assume too much). We went out to have dinner together...Again, had a short discussion about our sitch again...almost turned real ugly..He mentioned the similarities at our last outing at the beach resort, about me refusing to shut-up. (Gosh..I really need to put a sock in it. He says I must always have the last word) But H did calm down. Changed the subject to other friends. Later that night, H came and offered to ML. I declined. Woo-Hoo ......great willpower (Err..actually I was really really sleepy)

Sunday AM - H came an hug me and caressed a little bit (ahem ahem.. ) and inquired why I didn't want to ML last night... Needless to say, we did with the kids screaming downstairs...ha ha ha. We then got ready to attend S5's family carnival at his school. I had to say that I had fun. I don't know about H...but I thought it was rather good. We had to work as a team to win the games. For example, we had to balance a ball between the two us, with S5 stepping on each of our feet while we race from one end to the other. It was kind hilarious. There was one, we had to crawl one behind another through hoops. LOL We were 1st in the first game, 2nd in the second game but unfortunately, last in the third game. All in all, I thought it was real good fun.

Anyway, H then left for work about noon (yes..on a Sunday...whether it is the truth or not....mmmm). He was gonna travel out of state this night too. And he said that he might come home first before he goes to the airport or he might not. Well, at about 5 pm, he called me and mentioned that he was still at the office - TWICE. And that he will be going to the airport directly. H also wanted me to pay his mobile phone bill.... H called me at about 9.40 pm..told me he had arrived at his destination. H has another interview for the overseas job today (Monday).

Have not heard anything from him today. Had a short chat with my mentor again this morning. He had advised that if H does go for the overseas job, I should take the boys to visit for the first two weeks to lay a "CLAIM" on his new pad. It's more of psychological than anything. The key is that alhough he may have left the country for work, the kids still have a claim to their father... and even if the OW may visit etc, our (boys and mine) belongings will serve as a psychological REMINDER that we rightfully can be there! I will do this...I just need to think how to approach this. Definitely will have "use" the boys as an excuse...

I am still staying POSITIVE... although am a little confused still...