Okay...from my last post, I said H was going away on Friday. I have to say that backslid BAD on this day. I confronted him with his lies about going away for an interview on his birthday, where he met up with the OW. I know I am definitely not practicing what I preached. What drove me with the insanity??? Few things that he told me didn't match up. And I started investigating..calling up the hotel that he said that he would be staying, checking flight arrival details through the internet blah blah. I called him, and the phone was picked up, there were background sounds but not H's voice...I went "hello? hello? hello? " and then I heard a woman said to H "its your house" ...So, can you imagine it" I had to ask him why he lied? And how stupid of him to let OW answer his phone...He actually cut the line, and when I called him later, he didn't bothered to pick up my phone. I know I know...this is REAL ANTI-DBing...but I admit, I did go wild abit!! Or rather alot!! H was supposed to be back by Saturday evening..but mid-day Sat, he sent me a message and told me that he won't be back on Sunday. And on Sunday mid-day, he called me and said that he is in the office working. (yeah right!)
Sunday, had the planned dinner with my MIL and SIL. Both felt rather uneasy. And H did too. No conversation...very awkward. Anyway, after dinner MIL went up to talk to H. Well..well, he is still with the OW. All those "breaking-business" are all lies. MIL continued to lecture him, threatening to disown blah blah, and he was upset and angry. (I knew because MIL had a long chat over the telephone later..when H went out...to work..- yeah right again!!)Anyway, he came back...I was getting ready to go to bed and H came by and asked "So, what's with us?" to which I answered "you should be the one telling me, isn't it?" Well...again, we had a long long chat. I have to say that I am handled the discussion really well, even when H raised his voice, I kept cool. I just told him to do me favour and stop fu@king with my heart blah blah blah. I don't know what happened but we ended up having s@x It's sooo weird and I have to say that I was kinda using him as well???? Anyway, I was feeling so weird that I started teasing him jokingly about us, about his b$t@h...and he commented that I could be quite sacarstic. I have to admit that I was, and was actually having fun doing it. H said that "I want to move out." and I said "up to you. You are an adult. Nobody can force you to do whatever you don't want to" blah blah blah...then he asked me "what would be least painful thing for you? the easiest?" and I answered "I am not going to answer that question. I am not going to make the decision for you. Whatever you decide, it's your own decision, and I will know what to do after you've decided". He still maintained that he did go away on Friday and not with the OW and why no-one believed him. I said you have been deceitful for so long, trust needs to be earned. He also said that he still wants to try to work in a different country, to get away , to be alone and maybe he would come to his sense,..maybe he may decide that OW is all worth it. He feels that if he stays put, he will definitely choose OW. So, there. I told him "up to you!".
So...for me to be able to survive this insanity. I am going to continue to have PMA and GAL. I will continue with my DBING for my children's sake. I have decided to stop loving this man. But to just see him as: 1) father of my boys 2) s@x toy 3) financial provider
I will no longer expect him to be a husband. I will no longer expect him to "come" back. I will no longer wonder about H and the OW. I will really really live my life for myself and my boys (previously, I think I was kidding myself, and was DBing for H's sake)
Other notes..as part of my 180s...GOSH..I went clubbing on Saturday night with the gals, and I got a tattoo on my butt on Sunday!! A little butterfly...he he he...
I have to say that I feel kinda great. Don't think that I am in denial...but a little bit of excitement...cause my MIL has been soooo great and funny. She actually said "You need someone from the opposite sex to help you through this, to get over H. Problem is you are so homely. But don't worry, I will try to keep a look-out for you for established gentlemen that you can go out with!" Gosh...talk about broad-minded!!! She really understood the difficulties because of my FIL's numerous infidelities...
Okay....later guys and gals...
p/s H saw my tattoo...and I teasingly said "Let's see how many lucky guys will get to see it!"
It's sooo weird and I have to say that I was kinda using him as well???? Anyway, I was feeling so weird that I started teasing him jokingly about us, about his b$t@h...and he commented that I could be quite sacarstic. I have to admit that I was, and was actually having fun doing it. H said that "I want to move out." and I said "up to you. You are an adult. Nobody can force you to do whatever you don't want to" blah blah blah...then he asked me "what would be least painful thing for you? the easiest?" and I answered "I am not going to answer that question. I am not going to make the decision for you. Whatever you decide, it's your own decision, and I will know what to do after you've decided". He still maintained that he did go away on Friday and not with the OW and why no-one believed him. I said you have been deceitful for so long, trust needs to be earned. He also said that he still wants to try to work in a different country, to get away , to be alone and maybe he would come to his sense,..maybe he may decide that OW is all worth it. He feels that if he stays put, he will definitely choose OW. So, there. I told him "up to you!". 
