Journaling:

Bummer weekend! Stopped by the house to pick up S15#1 since he and I had scheduled time together to watch a college football game. Pulled in the driveway and there was a FOR SALE sign in the center of the lawn She is selling the house I know it isn't any of my business any longer, but the first thought was about where is she moving and how far will I have to travel to see my kids.

When S15#1 jumped into the truck I pulled away and asked him what the story was. As usual, she hadn't confided too much in the kids. she is just selling because she can't afford to re-finance (part of the D was she had 6 months to get my name off the deed and mortgage). The kids don't know where they'll be moving but they absolutely don't want to move out of town. The boys are sophomores in high school and D18 is a freshman in college. They need to stay put for at least the next few years.

I have to admit, even though I am supposed to be over this, seeing the for sale sign hit me in the gut Almost like she was making a statement that I'm out of her life and that's it.

I didn't sleep worth a darn last night because this was eating me up. Same feeling like I had when she dropped the bomb in February and when I realized no matter how hard I DB'd I couldn't turn the sitch around, in September.

This has deflated my PMA a bit, but I know I'll get used to it and bounce back again. But, with Thanksgiving and her birthday over the next week, this is making it hard. I'll be at friends' house for dinner Thursday, but I'll have to work hard on my happy face . I'll not be carving the turkey, I'll not be wrestling with the boys or watching the football games with them. The kids will come to my place Thursday night and that will be nice, but not the way it is supposed to be. Not the way is has been for the last 18 Thanksgivings.

The rest of the weekend is open right now. Not sure how I'm going to cope; I was doing so well until now. I can see Christmas is going to be really tough. With the entire week between Christmas and New Years off, I'd better find someplace out of town to occupy my time.

I'd better read DR again; I need some encouragment